Swamiji why do we pray? After all animals are also living like us and they do not pray... The Swamiji seemed a bit taken aback by this question. But then he said " My dear Guruvananda - while to many your question may seem odd, I understand what you are trying to ask. During one's lifetime - like a bank balance we accumulate a number of sins. We have to ensure that we improve our Karma during our lifetime. If we have to right the balance then we have to ameliorate our sins . We can do this only through constantly trying to get close to God through the medium of prayers.As to your question as to why animals do not pray - well the life of an animal is such that during its lifetime - in the event of any perceived sin- an animal suffers hell and then passes on into its next life. Moreover the level of intelligence in a human is such that he can differentiate between the right and wrong.
Slowly through the gentle teachings of the Guruji I was learning more about the universe and of myself. However this did not bring me any closer to how I would tackle the issue of knowing my fellow human beings better. After the Guruji told me to speak to Maya, to understand her better, I was still not knowing as to how I would approach the matter. Of course during the day to day activities I did observe her working at various tasks at the Ashram. I did come to realise that sh was a very organised person and that she put her heart and soul in any task assigned to her. I also researched her in the various Magazine and printed matter shed about her. As she rose to fame she was linked to many rich and famous persons . whiffs of scandal and her achievements went side by side as also her championing the causes of the orphans and the underprivileged...
At the end she still remained an enigma too me. ever since she joined the ashram speculations were rife in the media and people were wondering as to her motives. A tabloid newspaper went so far as to link her romantically to the Swamiji. And this was what was bothering me the most. Much as I knew in my heart that this was not possible, I knew that I needed the answers to my doubts.
Sometimes fiction becomes fact with repetition. And this piece of fiction was threatening to invade the peace and equanimity of the Ashram.As a person who cared much about the well being of the ashram It was up to me to do something to make this unsavory rumours go away. And to do this I needed to get to the bottom of the whole Maya episode. And so one fine morning when we had just finished our prayers I went up to Maya and said to her " Maya I am sure that you as well as everyone else here are aware of the rumours floating around. I need to know more about you before I can speak with conviction about these rumours being true or otherwise." Maya looked at me with sadness and said" Yes I am aware and to understand me you have to know my life story." She asked me to wait while she fetched her diaries.When she came back she handed me her diaries and asked me to read them.And this is what I read...
Maya's Diaries
My mother is getting married today. I am probably one of those few who are able to see their parent(S) get remarried again. In a way I was happy for her. At the same time this event also signalled the end of my father in the true sense of word. Fourteen years back my mother married a clerk from the electricity department. I was born two years later. When I became aware of my surroundings my father was already a sick man, Wasting away in the clutches of an unknown disease. For me he was always the one who was at home and - while he could not participate in my games - he was always there to conso;e me in case I got injured while playing. Mother used to be away most of the day working at the job father had to give up due to his infirmity. Her evenings were spent looking after dad and attending to my needs before we retired for the night. My father was a encyclopedia of stories and when I was tired from the day's exertions I used to cuddle up to him and he would tell me stories. The Moral of the stories was always the same - do not fritter away your life; Work hard and diligently and make something of it. And so the seed of ambition was planted in my mind.
14 July 1998
I was going to school. I was 10 years old. as was my habit I bid goodbye to my dad and left for school. It was after summer vacations and the excitement of new uniforms and books and new admissions kept me occupied, till the school ended. I came home tired but happy. As soon as I reached I realised that something was wrong. I was surprised to see mother at home. She was grim faced . In stern tones she told me that father had passed away. I started weeping. In my childish mind there was that overwhelming feeling of sorrow that I was not present at his bedside in his last moments. In some perverse way I blamed my mother for this mishap. I felt that had she been at home my father would have been better looked after and would probably been alive. The first seeds of rebellion were sown.
8 Nov 1999
After my father's death it was all downhill. I had become a willful and spoilt brat. The anger at my mother was still there. As a result my grades suffered. At best I was an average student , barely scraping through my exams. Was it troubling? Yes it was. But this was the only way I could punish my mother for her lapses. The feeling of hurt at my mother deserting my father was still fresh in my mind , My mom was tired of working day and night to make the ends meet. Moreover being alone at a reasonably young age did not sit well with her. This made her impatient with me and in turn I got more alienated towards her. Things like respect and honour which she valued very highly were the very things which I wanted to denigrate and abuse. This manifested in diobedience and non attendance of classes in the school. Then in 2000 my mother got married again. I knew my step father could not replace my father. It was - from my side- hate at first sight . Again a human Fallacy where we are prejudiced right fro the beginning about people or things or for that matter food. For example I never liked Bitter gourd as a child but now I enjoy the various preparations of this wonderful , medicinal vegetable.
My step Father turned out to be a person with immense amount of patience. In spite of my constant efforts to anger him he never rose up to the bait. In fact his decency irritated me more than anything else. Why could he not conform to my views of what a step father should be? In fact this made me all the more determined to go against my mother ( Who I felt had betrayed my father ) and my step Father . No amount of goodness on his part convinced me to be decent to him. In a number of little ways I started exhibiting my rebelliousness and independence. I barely cleared my boards with the minimum passing marks. By this time I had decided that I would not follow the beaten path of academics. I branched off into the most challenging and a disreputable profession in the eyes of many Middle income people - modelling.
At first the going was tough. This only made me more determined to succeed at what I had set out to do. Luckily I was blessed with good looks...As the years passed I slowly moved up the rungs of the ladder to success. Now ther was no looking back. Almost three years passed since I left my parent . During this period I had no contact with them - though they did try to contact me. Those were the days. I was the toast of the town. I wined and dined with the best. I had no encumbrances in the form of Parents, Siblings or for that matter Friends . I was flying high and thought that I was happy. Somewhere along the line, Life comes back a full circle. What you have been striving to achieve all your life seems to have become a cipher. And so it was with me. One day I woke up feeling low. No amount of telling myself that I had a lot to look forward to could alleviate the feeling of doom. For the next few days I cut myself off from the regular rut of parties and assignments. Just like a young child who searches for the comfort of it's Mother's bosom I went back to my pre- modelling days to mend fences with my mother . To my consternation I found that my parents had moved out of the old neighbourhood with no forwarding address. From then on I attended the modelling sessions mechanically. I threw myself into my work. It did not help.
That is when I heard of Swamiji and his Ashram. With little to lose and a lot to gain I came to the Swamiji for help and succor. I had heard a lot about the Swamiji in my circle. When I did get my time with him I asked him about my restlessness. He said " often people come to cross roads in their life when they are convinced that they are on the wrong path. It is when they have to decide what they want to do with their life. It may mean that they have to come out of their comfort zone and attempt something new . Many people are either lazy to do this or are scared of the consequences. You are at that stage in life where you have to make a decision as to what it is in life that you are looking for - and do you have the courage to attempt to gain peace of mind. I will not force you to do anything . You have to work it out for yourself". I thought a lot about it. Prior to my decision to joining Ashram I had immersed myself in charitable activities and it gave me a lot of peace of mind. That is when I decided to join the Ashram full time. Achievements which seemed important to me earlier no longer thrilled me .What did give me peace of mind was the look of gratitude on the face of an impoverished individual. That is when Ii decided to come to the Ashram...
Slowly through the gentle teachings of the Guruji I was learning more about the universe and of myself. However this did not bring me any closer to how I would tackle the issue of knowing my fellow human beings better. After the Guruji told me to speak to Maya, to understand her better, I was still not knowing as to how I would approach the matter. Of course during the day to day activities I did observe her working at various tasks at the Ashram. I did come to realise that sh was a very organised person and that she put her heart and soul in any task assigned to her. I also researched her in the various Magazine and printed matter shed about her. As she rose to fame she was linked to many rich and famous persons . whiffs of scandal and her achievements went side by side as also her championing the causes of the orphans and the underprivileged...
At the end she still remained an enigma too me. ever since she joined the ashram speculations were rife in the media and people were wondering as to her motives. A tabloid newspaper went so far as to link her romantically to the Swamiji. And this was what was bothering me the most. Much as I knew in my heart that this was not possible, I knew that I needed the answers to my doubts.
Sometimes fiction becomes fact with repetition. And this piece of fiction was threatening to invade the peace and equanimity of the Ashram.As a person who cared much about the well being of the ashram It was up to me to do something to make this unsavory rumours go away. And to do this I needed to get to the bottom of the whole Maya episode. And so one fine morning when we had just finished our prayers I went up to Maya and said to her " Maya I am sure that you as well as everyone else here are aware of the rumours floating around. I need to know more about you before I can speak with conviction about these rumours being true or otherwise." Maya looked at me with sadness and said" Yes I am aware and to understand me you have to know my life story." She asked me to wait while she fetched her diaries.When she came back she handed me her diaries and asked me to read them.And this is what I read...
Maya's Diaries
My mother is getting married today. I am probably one of those few who are able to see their parent(S) get remarried again. In a way I was happy for her. At the same time this event also signalled the end of my father in the true sense of word. Fourteen years back my mother married a clerk from the electricity department. I was born two years later. When I became aware of my surroundings my father was already a sick man, Wasting away in the clutches of an unknown disease. For me he was always the one who was at home and - while he could not participate in my games - he was always there to conso;e me in case I got injured while playing. Mother used to be away most of the day working at the job father had to give up due to his infirmity. Her evenings were spent looking after dad and attending to my needs before we retired for the night. My father was a encyclopedia of stories and when I was tired from the day's exertions I used to cuddle up to him and he would tell me stories. The Moral of the stories was always the same - do not fritter away your life; Work hard and diligently and make something of it. And so the seed of ambition was planted in my mind.
14 July 1998
I was going to school. I was 10 years old. as was my habit I bid goodbye to my dad and left for school. It was after summer vacations and the excitement of new uniforms and books and new admissions kept me occupied, till the school ended. I came home tired but happy. As soon as I reached I realised that something was wrong. I was surprised to see mother at home. She was grim faced . In stern tones she told me that father had passed away. I started weeping. In my childish mind there was that overwhelming feeling of sorrow that I was not present at his bedside in his last moments. In some perverse way I blamed my mother for this mishap. I felt that had she been at home my father would have been better looked after and would probably been alive. The first seeds of rebellion were sown.
8 Nov 1999
After my father's death it was all downhill. I had become a willful and spoilt brat. The anger at my mother was still there. As a result my grades suffered. At best I was an average student , barely scraping through my exams. Was it troubling? Yes it was. But this was the only way I could punish my mother for her lapses. The feeling of hurt at my mother deserting my father was still fresh in my mind , My mom was tired of working day and night to make the ends meet. Moreover being alone at a reasonably young age did not sit well with her. This made her impatient with me and in turn I got more alienated towards her. Things like respect and honour which she valued very highly were the very things which I wanted to denigrate and abuse. This manifested in diobedience and non attendance of classes in the school. Then in 2000 my mother got married again. I knew my step father could not replace my father. It was - from my side- hate at first sight . Again a human Fallacy where we are prejudiced right fro the beginning about people or things or for that matter food. For example I never liked Bitter gourd as a child but now I enjoy the various preparations of this wonderful , medicinal vegetable.
My step Father turned out to be a person with immense amount of patience. In spite of my constant efforts to anger him he never rose up to the bait. In fact his decency irritated me more than anything else. Why could he not conform to my views of what a step father should be? In fact this made me all the more determined to go against my mother ( Who I felt had betrayed my father ) and my step Father . No amount of goodness on his part convinced me to be decent to him. In a number of little ways I started exhibiting my rebelliousness and independence. I barely cleared my boards with the minimum passing marks. By this time I had decided that I would not follow the beaten path of academics. I branched off into the most challenging and a disreputable profession in the eyes of many Middle income people - modelling.
At first the going was tough. This only made me more determined to succeed at what I had set out to do. Luckily I was blessed with good looks...As the years passed I slowly moved up the rungs of the ladder to success. Now ther was no looking back. Almost three years passed since I left my parent . During this period I had no contact with them - though they did try to contact me. Those were the days. I was the toast of the town. I wined and dined with the best. I had no encumbrances in the form of Parents, Siblings or for that matter Friends . I was flying high and thought that I was happy. Somewhere along the line, Life comes back a full circle. What you have been striving to achieve all your life seems to have become a cipher. And so it was with me. One day I woke up feeling low. No amount of telling myself that I had a lot to look forward to could alleviate the feeling of doom. For the next few days I cut myself off from the regular rut of parties and assignments. Just like a young child who searches for the comfort of it's Mother's bosom I went back to my pre- modelling days to mend fences with my mother . To my consternation I found that my parents had moved out of the old neighbourhood with no forwarding address. From then on I attended the modelling sessions mechanically. I threw myself into my work. It did not help.
That is when I heard of Swamiji and his Ashram. With little to lose and a lot to gain I came to the Swamiji for help and succor. I had heard a lot about the Swamiji in my circle. When I did get my time with him I asked him about my restlessness. He said " often people come to cross roads in their life when they are convinced that they are on the wrong path. It is when they have to decide what they want to do with their life. It may mean that they have to come out of their comfort zone and attempt something new . Many people are either lazy to do this or are scared of the consequences. You are at that stage in life where you have to make a decision as to what it is in life that you are looking for - and do you have the courage to attempt to gain peace of mind. I will not force you to do anything . You have to work it out for yourself". I thought a lot about it. Prior to my decision to joining Ashram I had immersed myself in charitable activities and it gave me a lot of peace of mind. That is when I decided to join the Ashram full time. Achievements which seemed important to me earlier no longer thrilled me .What did give me peace of mind was the look of gratitude on the face of an impoverished individual. That is when Ii decided to come to the Ashram...
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