Moksha

The dreams started again. Flashes of his old life came back to haunt him. Uneasy childhood with reluctant relations. Relations who tolerated his presence because the money that came along. His determination to serve the nation and his joining the commandos to eradicate the enemy to the nation , both within and without. Subsequent disillusionment with life in general and the his own existence in particular led him to seek spiritual solace. Added to this was the desire to help others in self -  actualisation. His preachings and spectacular success thereafter left Swami Jeetendra in a very satisfied frame of mind. He was finally satisfied with what life dealt him at this stage.

And it was this very satisfaction which started raising new doubts in his life. His past life started interfering with his sense of happiness. Was this all that he had wanted from life? Was it enough to be satisfied with oneself with so much pain and misery in the world? How much sadness and struggle in the world could he alleviate? Could he get rid of all the deviousness? And it was these thoughts which kept him awake and when he did manage to sleep gave him nightmares. In spite of all the good that he was doing his own demons were anything but vanquished. The desire when he saw an attractive disciple was still there. He had to bring all his training in yoga to fore to prevent his getting involved with the disciples who were more than willing to grant him any favour that he desired. The problem was that he was at cross roads . His training gave him that additional power . And power corrupts. The very power that gave him the capability to help people also ironically wanted him to ravish women like never before. He knew that the difference between an exalted personage and a wayward guru was in which direction he wanted to go.

Now was the time to work towards the higher things in life if he was to make something of his brief existence on this earth. It was with this goal in mind that he slowly started devolving the day to day running of the Ashram to his favourite disciple, Guruvananda. On many days he never even appeared at the congregations where people came from near and far alike just to get a glimpse of him. He felt bad about it . But he consoled himself by thinking – “the time will come when the only thought in his mind would be the betterment of humanity and the universe and his task would be to bring people closer to that superior power which was responsible for all those unexplainable miracles in this world. One man’s discomfiture – if it benefitted many – was worth it.

Towards this end his penances grew more and more severe. He spent most of his time in prayer. Food no longer was the main means of sustenance. His sustenance was derived from meditation and prayer. For days on end he did not eat at all . And if it was not for Guruvanada he would have not survived at all. Slowly the intervals between his fasting decreased. He felt empowered and closer to God, each day he passed without ingesting anything. He attributed this to his overcoming his desires and thinking for the larger good of the mankind.

The day started off like any other day. The sun was shining brightly and the entire ashram was awash with bright colours of the blossoms which had sprung up , after a long hard winter. The Baba felt the urgent need to meet his followers. The previous night he had had a vision where , he finally felt that he was in communion with a higher force. At first the swami was dumbstruck but like water pouring over a broken dam the questions started pouring out of his lips. His first question was “ How do I know that you are the supreme Being?” The reply he received was so satisfying that he did not feel the need to ask any more questions. The reply he got was “ I am not a being; I am amorphous and all seeing. It is you humans who have given a form to me and converted me into something tangible. You have made me in your own image and worshipped me as such. Dear Jeetendra break out of this mould.I am intangible and all seeing. Of late  people have been guilty of fighting over me as if I am a commodity. People have been committing sins against others in my name. I foresaw this . As I see it you want to attain great heights in spiritualism. I feel that it is selfish. How can you think of yourself with so much pain pervading all over the world. And so I decided that your lot lies with the people. You are hereby tasked to show humanity the right path. It is only by doing this that you will be of greater service to me. Go and serve the humanity. Set a personal example. Help people to distinguish between right and wrong. By doing this you will be a path breaker. People will remember Jeetendra for his goodness. And by doing this you will attain moksha. The room became dark again. Jeetendra saw where his duty lay.