The Disciple

I was known as ram Singh in my previous life. I belong to a family of farmers. We had vast acreage under cultivation. When I was born we lived in a joint family. My earliest memories were of an imposing man who used to preside over every thing that went on in our huge sprawling home. Everyone used to defer to this tyrant. Whether it be the meals or discussion or any function. Every morning he used to lead the prayers. All including my parents, my father' s brothers and their spouses and a menagerie of children would be present during this function. Anyone who was late would face the ire of this grand old man. His recriminations used to take various forms including banishment to the lonely outhouse in the fields and additional menial duties which when I think of now were quite humiliating. His word was law. As children we were quite terrified of him. It used to be a challenge to meet his eye. I remember many of my cousins wetting their pants in front of him in sheer terror. But as we grew up, we as young children saw a different side of him. He used to be gentle and pleasant with the children. Whenever any of us used to commit a mistake, rather than take us to task he used to explain the mistake, exemplifying it with tales from various mythological tales. His favourite used to be the Mahabharata. We used to enjoy his tales and such was his painting of the picture that we would sit open mouthed as Gandiva twanged.  and the Kaurava warriors fell to ground.

Time passed by and when I was a callow youth of fifteen ,  my grandfather never woke up from his sleep. This upset the balance of power at home. There was that tug of war between the brothers. This constant struggle upset everyone at home. It pained me the most. Why could people not live in harmony? Did they have to be materialistic? Why are we so shallow that we did not pull out our swords till the main protagonist was not there on the scene?

I waited for the opportunity and lying about my age I joined the army. Do not get me wrong. You may raise your eyebrows and sneer derisively about there being no patriotic sentiment in my joining the army. I say to you - are you patriotic? Did you at your level contributed to the removal of corruption? Have you even thought of not paying someone to do a job he is supposed to? Well if not don't question my patriotism. At least I have worked towards being patriotic while you have just paid lip service to this noble sentiment.

Probably my going away from home knocked some sense into my dad. He withdrew from all such squabbles and withdrew into himself. But his siblings did not allow him any peace. Overnight he lost weight and soon joined his father when he should have been enjoying the fruits of his labour in his old age. Life is always full of such twists and turns. It kicks you when you are least expecting it. My mind was in a turmoil. But I accepted it as a part of the life. This was when the seeds of spirituality were sown in my mind. Why does God punish everyone at sometime or the other? What was the logic of existence if you have to suffer pain? I searched long and hard for answers to these questions. I attended many discourses by learned people and gurus alike. But none could provide me with answers satisfactorily I was adrift living life as it came. In the meantime I got married and started life as a responsible family man. Along the way I participated in a number of operations and helped eliminate many enemies of the state. Sometimes when I was home on leave I used to objectively assess my life. Nothing seemed satisfactory. What was I doing wrong?

A few years later I was posted in Dehradun. Someone mentioned one Aakash baba who was creating waves with his take on life. For my part I was cynical about this baba. I had seen too many of them to be impressed with one more. That summer my lovely wife decided that this life of uncertainty was not what she had bargained for. She left a note and vanished into the blue with somebody who she thought would be ideal for her. I was immersed in sorrow at this betrayal of hers. I went into a depression at this cathartic experience .

 For a few days I preferred solitude to the knowing and contrived pitiful looks of the people around . As the reality set in the numbness was replaced by anger . Anger so powerful that it threatened to consume all those around me . Slowly the anger became directs against my wife and and all concerned with her . Albeit with a sneaking feeling of Relief that there were no children involved . Time passed .One thing was clear I would not be going back to the Army service . I put up my papers . Another thing which was clear was that I could not get involved with someone else.  It was time to do something different . Something which would give me peace of mind and help other people who were plagued with the googlies life threw at them .

A fine morning found me back at the ashram of Akaash baba also known as swami Jeetendra. This time what he said made sense . That day the swamiji spoke at length at problems facing those faced with separation and those deceived by their loved ones . He said that during the course of life we are all affected by these problems . It was as if he was directly speaking to me.  I had finally found my guru .You may argue that in view of my recent mishap I was grabbing straws . I can conclusively say that this was not the case . Subsequent discourses only strengthened my convictions .I gave up all my worldly possessions and looked for salvation at my guru's feet .