Maya's Story

Swamiji why do we pray? After all animals are also living like us and they do not pray... The Swamiji seemed a bit taken aback by this question. But then he said " My dear Guruvananda - while to many your question may seem odd, I understand what you are trying to ask. During one's lifetime - like a bank balance we accumulate a number of sins. We have to ensure that we improve our Karma during our lifetime. If we have to right the balance then we have to ameliorate our sins . We can do this only through constantly trying to get close to God through the medium of prayers.As to your question as to why animals do not pray - well the life of an animal is such that during its lifetime - in the event of  any perceived sin- an animal suffers hell and then passes on into its next life. Moreover the level of intelligence in a human is such that he can differentiate between the right and wrong.
Slowly through the gentle teachings of the Guruji I was learning more about the universe and of myself. However this did not bring me any closer to how I would tackle the issue of knowing my fellow human beings better. After the Guruji told me to speak to Maya, to understand her better, I was still not knowing as to how I would approach the matter. Of course during the day to day activities I did observe her working at various tasks at the Ashram. I did come to realise that sh was a very organised person and that she put her heart and soul in any task assigned to her. I also researched her in the various Magazine and printed matter shed about her. As she rose to fame she was linked to many rich and famous persons . whiffs of scandal and her achievements went side by side as also her championing the causes of the orphans and the underprivileged...
At the end she still remained an enigma too me. ever since she joined the ashram speculations were rife in the media and people were wondering as to her motives. A tabloid newspaper went so far as to link her romantically to the Swamiji. And this was what was bothering me the most. Much as I knew in my heart that this was not possible, I knew that I needed the answers to my doubts.
Sometimes fiction becomes fact with repetition. And this piece of fiction was threatening to invade the peace and equanimity of the Ashram.As a person who cared much about the well being of the ashram It was up to me to do something to make this unsavory rumours go away. And to do this I needed to get to the bottom of the whole Maya episode. And so one fine morning when we had just finished our prayers I went up to Maya and said to her " Maya I am sure that you as well as everyone else here are aware of the rumours floating around. I need to know more about you before I can speak with conviction about these rumours being true or otherwise." Maya looked at me with sadness and said" Yes I am aware and to understand me you have to know my life story." She asked me to wait while she fetched her diaries.When she came back she handed me her diaries and asked me to read them.And this is what I read...
Maya's Diaries
My mother is getting married today. I am probably one of those few who are able to see their parent(S) get remarried again. In a way I was happy for her. At the same time this event also signalled the end of my father in the true sense of word. Fourteen years back my mother married a clerk from the electricity department. I was born two years later. When I became aware of my surroundings my father was already a sick man, Wasting away in the clutches of an unknown disease. For me he was always the one who was at home and - while he could not participate in my games - he was always there to conso;e me in case I got injured while playing. Mother used to be away most of the day working at the job father had to give up due to his infirmity. Her evenings were spent looking after dad and attending to my needs before we retired for the night. My father was a encyclopedia of stories and when I was tired from the day's exertions I used to cuddle up to him and he would tell me stories. The Moral of the stories was always the same - do not fritter away your life; Work hard and diligently and make something of it. And so the seed of ambition was planted in my mind.

14 July 1998
I was going to school. I was 10 years old. as was my habit I bid goodbye to my dad and left for school. It was after summer vacations and the excitement of new uniforms and books and new admissions kept me occupied, till the school ended. I came home tired but happy. As soon as I reached I realised that something was wrong. I was surprised to see mother at home. She was grim faced . In stern tones she told me that father had passed away. I started weeping. In my childish mind there was that overwhelming feeling of sorrow that I was not present at his bedside in his last moments. In some perverse way I blamed my mother for this mishap. I felt that had she been at home my father would  have been better looked after and would probably been alive. The first seeds of rebellion were sown.

8 Nov 1999
After my father's death it was all downhill. I had become a willful and spoilt brat. The anger at my mother was still there. As a result my grades suffered. At best I was an average student , barely scraping through my exams. Was it troubling? Yes it was. But this was the only way I could punish my mother for her lapses. The feeling of hurt at my mother deserting my father  was still fresh in my mind , My mom was tired of working day and night to make the ends meet. Moreover being alone at a reasonably young age did not sit well with her. This made her impatient with me and in turn I got more alienated towards her. Things like respect and honour which she valued very highly were the very things which I wanted to denigrate and abuse. This manifested in diobedience and non attendance of classes in the school. Then in 2000 my mother got married again. I knew my step father could not replace my father. It was  - from my side- hate at first sight . Again a human Fallacy where we are prejudiced right fro the beginning about people or things or for that matter food. For example I never liked Bitter gourd as a child but now I enjoy the various preparations of this wonderful , medicinal vegetable. 

My step Father turned out to be a person with immense amount of patience. In spite of my constant efforts to anger him he never rose up to the bait. In fact his decency irritated me more than anything else. Why could he not conform to my views of what a step father should be? In fact this made me all the more determined to go against my mother ( Who I felt had betrayed my father ) and my step Father . No amount of goodness on his part convinced me to be decent to him. In a number of little ways I started exhibiting my rebelliousness and independence.  I barely cleared my boards with the minimum passing marks. By this time I had decided that I would not follow the beaten path of academics. I branched off into the most challenging and a disreputable profession in the eyes of many Middle income people - modelling.

At first the going was tough. This only made me more determined to succeed at what I had set out to do. Luckily I was blessed with good looks...As the years passed I slowly moved up the rungs of the ladder to success. Now ther was no looking back. Almost three years passed since I left my parent . During this period I had no contact with them - though they did try to contact me. Those were the days. I was the toast of the town. I wined and dined with the best. I had no encumbrances in the form of Parents, Siblings or for that matter Friends . I was flying high and thought that I was happy. Somewhere along the line, Life comes back a full circle. What you have been striving to achieve all your life seems to have become a cipher. And so it was with me. One day I woke up feeling low. No amount of telling myself that I had a lot to look forward to could alleviate the feeling of doom. For the next few days I cut myself off from the regular rut of parties and assignments. Just like a young child who searches for the comfort of it's Mother's bosom I went back to my pre- modelling days to mend fences with my mother . To my consternation I found that my parents had moved out of the old neighbourhood with no forwarding address. From then on I attended the modelling sessions mechanically. I threw myself into my work. It did not help. 

That is when I heard of Swamiji and his Ashram. With little to lose and a lot to gain I came to the Swamiji for help and succor. I had heard a lot about the Swamiji in my circle. When I did get my time with him I asked him about my restlessness. He said " often people come to cross roads in their life when they are convinced that they are on the wrong path. It is when they have to decide what they want to do with their life. It may mean that they have to come out of their comfort zone and attempt something new .  Many people are either lazy to do this or are scared of the consequences. You are at that stage in life where you have to make a decision as to what it is in life that you are looking for - and do you have the courage to attempt to gain peace of mind. I will not force you to do anything . You have to work it out for yourself". I thought a lot about it. Prior to my decision to joining Ashram I had immersed myself in charitable activities and it gave me a lot of peace of mind. That is when I decided to join the Ashram full time. Achievements which seemed important to me earlier no longer thrilled me .What did give me peace of mind was the look of gratitude on the face of an impoverished individual. That is when Ii decided to come to the Ashram...

Maya Memsahib

I have spent some time at the Ashram now. During this period I have wholeheartedly thrown myself into the Seva of the Guruji and of the tortured souls who came in great numbers to the Ashram seeking solace. On some days I found myself restless - and it was during this period that I extended myself much more than necessary to look after the Ashram and the inmates. I got closer to the Guruji through my work. So much so that he started leaning on me heavily for various duties. I reveled in his trust in me. It gave me a new purpose in life. Material thoughts never came to mind.
I was happiest when the Guruji communicated to us about the rights and wrongs in the world. One day he was in a reflective mood and told us this story. " You all know that that in the second half of the year that there are a number of festivals. Shops around the country come alive with decorations and in the evenings , they are lit up with colourful lights to entice customers to buy stuff from them. All Indians celebrate festivals - in fact all round the world festivals are celebrated with new clothes/ presents etc. Whether it is a Hindu Festival . Muslim Id or Christmas for the Christians - the mode of celebration is not much different. We all go to the same shops to buy our requirements. There is no differentiation in these shops based on religion or caste.A backward class or any other person goes to the same shop. The only religion here is money/currency.But when it comes to religion there is a lot of   nitpicking. You have different places of for worship. It is sacrilege for a (for example) Hindu/Christian to enter a Masjid or for that matter anyone to enter a place of worship of a religion that he does not belong to. The goal is to attain God. It is better to have prayer places which are not based on religion/ caste/creed.It is at these places that a man can strive to attain peace and tranquility without any ulterior motives disturbing him...
As the time passed I became closer to the Guruji. And in turn he started depending on me for almost everything. Soon the time came when I used to be in attendance when he went to discourse to the masses. I could almost read his thoughts... Of late I have found a certain amount of restlessness on part of the Guruji. I did not know what was bothering him and did not dare to ask him the reason for this disquietude. It was as if he was preoccupied with something monumental.My suspicions proved right when he started depending more and more on me to conduct the daily prayers . On most days the devotees left disappointed without the Darshan of the Guruji. I knew that the Gruji desired peace and solitude for meditation. But I ensured that he did not go hungry or thirsty during this time.
It was time to analyse the Guruji's retraction into his shell. I thought about it long and hard and also consulted some of my fellow inmates the reason for this . After much thought I came to the conclusion that it all started off the day Maya came to the Ashram for the Guruji's Darshan. On that day like any other day thousands of devotees thronged the Ashram. Among them - many celebrities. Maya was unlike the other celebrities. From my earlier life I knew that she was a world famous model. It was hard to believe that so famous a person was seeking blessings of Guruji , in this remote hamlet of dehradun. I could not help but feel a little bit excited at seeing so beautiful a woman coming for the Guruji's Ashirvad. Also her celebrity status turned the heads of many who were present that day when she visited the ashram the first time. She had many private audiences with the Guruji. And then the withdrawal of the Guruji into his shell.
Days passed with the Guruji rarely visiting the congregation during that time. It was also the time when Maya stopped coming to the Ashram. One could not help but make a connection between the two events. Since I was the only one in touch with the Guruji I delicately tried to broach the subject of his laxity in looking after his disciples. I was always answered with an enigmatic smile - which discouraged me from asking questions and at the same time also signaled dismissal from his presence. And then ...
And then things changed. One fine morning as I awoke with the burden of running the Ashram still heavy on my shoulders, things started changing all of a sudden. That morning as we prepared for the morning prayers, I heard a sudden hubbub . I opened my eyes and saw that the Swamiji had entered the congregation hall. He was smiling and moving among the devotees. It took some time for him to reach the pulpit as he was stopping among the devotees to bless them and converse with them. For me it was as if a load was lifted from my shoulders. I joyfully rose up from my seat to greet the Guruji and then prostrated myself at the Guruji's feet. That was also the day Maya came back to join the Ashram . She soon became a fixture at the Ashram. Some of the duties of the Ashram started to devolve round her. I somehow could not accept this with equanimity. I tried to broach this with the Guruji. He smiled and said "Guruvananda it is time for you to drop your prejudices and start looking into other people's problems. I want you to speak to Maya and ask her her to tell her story. After you listen to her story I am sure that a lot of your doubts will be cleared and I am sure that it will be a life changing experience for you too...

Guruvananda

Money was never a problem. Let us be realistic - even if it is an ashram money is required for the day to day running, the food and the various other necessities. there was no dearth of followers who wanted to donate to the running of the Ashram. Over a period of time I realised that it was their way of atoning  whatever transgressions they felt they had committed. To their mind they were bribing the higher force to assuage their feelings of guilt. It was not that they would not commit any sins later in life. Up to that moment whatever faults they perceived they had committed they wanted a clean slate. Tomorrow was another day. They lived for the moment.
On many days I protested about this to the guruji. He smiled and said "it is enough that people are aware that they have strayed from the path of righteousness. If not today then tomorrow or the day after that they will realise that their existence on this earth is momentary - and when they do - then that is the time that they will stop making these mistakes and try to atone their sins permanently". Over a period of time not many attained this knowledge of good and bad. But the swamiji was a patient man and was at a much higher plane than any of us.His capacity to forgive was unlimited.

Earlier
When I had decided to join the Ashram, it was in anger and a feeling of rejection from the society in general and my wife in particular. I had started out with the zeal that I would help people and ameliorate their feelings of sadness.The first few days were very difficult for me. I have lived an active life and was surrounded by love and laughter at home and camaraderie and brotherhood while serving in the army. Here at the Ashram I was strictly left alone. It was like entering a different country altogether - the only similarity with my previous life in the army being the routine that never changed. Waking up at four - attending to our morning ablutions - meditation for an hour - discourse for another hour by the Swamiji - an hour of contemplation - breakfast - and then on with the preparation for receiving the throng of devotees who came from all over the country. By the time the prayers and meetings were over and lunch was done with we would be exhausted with all the cleaning that we had to do after the devotees left. All to soon it would be time for evening meditation - a light dinner and we were left to our own devices till four 'o' clock the next morning.
I did a lot of other duties. Cleaning up the general area working in the kitchen washing up the bathrooms and washing of clothes. Initially I felt bad about some of the duties but when I saw others who were there at the ashram take pride in their duties I also started accepting it as a part of life . Time is a great healer . Over a period of time the humiliation that my wife meted out to me dimmed and as they say in the modern parlance - it got archived. You never forget. It is a human failing that you never forget. But the memories get dimmed. Once in a while when my relations visited me the wounds opened anew.

It was the custom of the Ashram that one of the inmates used to spend time with the guru for an entire week. Soon it was my time to look after the needs of the guru. I had anxiously waited for this day. as I had a lot of questions to ask the guru. The moment I entered his presence I felt an odd sense of well being." Why do people feel the need for revenge"? was my first question, The Swamiji smiled and his reply was " A human is a bundle of contradictions; Sometimes he feels love sometimes he feels loathing and sometimes he feels morally right, It also depends on his upbringing and his feeling of a particular action - whether it is right or wrong, If his mind justifies an action as right - even though he knows in his heart it is wrong he still goes ahead and does that particular action. Similarly if he feels that someone is not agreeing to his way of doing things then he gets impatient with that person. This opposition to his action engenders a feeling of anger and intolerance. and it is this which makes a human behave irrationally. This irrationality may manifest itself into violence. At that time he may want to hurt the other person. In your case you felt that your wife had done wrong by leaving you. But have you analysed your own actions? Do you realise that something that you had done has made your wife behave in the manner that she did? Since you have unilaterally taken the decision that it is your wife who is at fault you feel that she should be punished and this is what is called revenge. Revenge eats away at your rationality and since you were powerless to do anything constructive you have come here to join me. Not for any altruistic reasons but because the ridicule that you felt that your family and friends may heap upon you . and this was unacceptable to you. My next question of course was - " So should I go back to my former life?" The swamiji said " My son whatever happens happens for the good. You have taken a conscious decision to break away from your previous life - now if you feel that you have to go back then again it is your decision. I can only guide you ; I cannot impose upon you. Do what you feel is right."
After that conversation I thought long and hard and came to the conclusion that  my actions needed to be more pacific. I needed to exorcise my demons . Going back to my previous life was not an option. But what was an option was to continue in my present life. I meditated long and hard over this fact and went back to Guruji to tell him of my decision. But when I went to him - his smile said it all. He knew of my decision. The unspoken words spoke volumes. With tears in my eyes I embraced the feet of my guru. It was then that he christened me Guruvananda - one who was a joy to the guru. For the next so many months I single mindedly served my guru and as an extension served the humanity. Someday I hope to gain complete satisfaction serving my guru - for is it not said:-
GURUR BRAHMA GURUR VISHNU : GURUR DEVO MAHESHWARA:
GURUR SAKSHAT PARABRAHMA : TASMAI SHRI GURUVE NAMAHA    

The Disciple

I was known as ram Singh in my previous life. I belong to a family of farmers. We had vast acreage under cultivation. When I was born we lived in a joint family. My earliest memories were of an imposing man who used to preside over every thing that went on in our huge sprawling home. Everyone used to defer to this tyrant. Whether it be the meals or discussion or any function. Every morning he used to lead the prayers. All including my parents, my father' s brothers and their spouses and a menagerie of children would be present during this function. Anyone who was late would face the ire of this grand old man. His recriminations used to take various forms including banishment to the lonely outhouse in the fields and additional menial duties which when I think of now were quite humiliating. His word was law. As children we were quite terrified of him. It used to be a challenge to meet his eye. I remember many of my cousins wetting their pants in front of him in sheer terror. But as we grew up, we as young children saw a different side of him. He used to be gentle and pleasant with the children. Whenever any of us used to commit a mistake, rather than take us to task he used to explain the mistake, exemplifying it with tales from various mythological tales. His favourite used to be the Mahabharata. We used to enjoy his tales and such was his painting of the picture that we would sit open mouthed as Gandiva twanged.  and the Kaurava warriors fell to ground.

Time passed by and when I was a callow youth of fifteen ,  my grandfather never woke up from his sleep. This upset the balance of power at home. There was that tug of war between the brothers. This constant struggle upset everyone at home. It pained me the most. Why could people not live in harmony? Did they have to be materialistic? Why are we so shallow that we did not pull out our swords till the main protagonist was not there on the scene?

I waited for the opportunity and lying about my age I joined the army. Do not get me wrong. You may raise your eyebrows and sneer derisively about there being no patriotic sentiment in my joining the army. I say to you - are you patriotic? Did you at your level contributed to the removal of corruption? Have you even thought of not paying someone to do a job he is supposed to? Well if not don't question my patriotism. At least I have worked towards being patriotic while you have just paid lip service to this noble sentiment.

Probably my going away from home knocked some sense into my dad. He withdrew from all such squabbles and withdrew into himself. But his siblings did not allow him any peace. Overnight he lost weight and soon joined his father when he should have been enjoying the fruits of his labour in his old age. Life is always full of such twists and turns. It kicks you when you are least expecting it. My mind was in a turmoil. But I accepted it as a part of the life. This was when the seeds of spirituality were sown in my mind. Why does God punish everyone at sometime or the other? What was the logic of existence if you have to suffer pain? I searched long and hard for answers to these questions. I attended many discourses by learned people and gurus alike. But none could provide me with answers satisfactorily I was adrift living life as it came. In the meantime I got married and started life as a responsible family man. Along the way I participated in a number of operations and helped eliminate many enemies of the state. Sometimes when I was home on leave I used to objectively assess my life. Nothing seemed satisfactory. What was I doing wrong?

A few years later I was posted in Dehradun. Someone mentioned one Aakash baba who was creating waves with his take on life. For my part I was cynical about this baba. I had seen too many of them to be impressed with one more. That summer my lovely wife decided that this life of uncertainty was not what she had bargained for. She left a note and vanished into the blue with somebody who she thought would be ideal for her. I was immersed in sorrow at this betrayal of hers. I went into a depression at this cathartic experience .

 For a few days I preferred solitude to the knowing and contrived pitiful looks of the people around . As the reality set in the numbness was replaced by anger . Anger so powerful that it threatened to consume all those around me . Slowly the anger became directs against my wife and and all concerned with her . Albeit with a sneaking feeling of Relief that there were no children involved . Time passed .One thing was clear I would not be going back to the Army service . I put up my papers . Another thing which was clear was that I could not get involved with someone else.  It was time to do something different . Something which would give me peace of mind and help other people who were plagued with the googlies life threw at them .

A fine morning found me back at the ashram of Akaash baba also known as swami Jeetendra. This time what he said made sense . That day the swamiji spoke at length at problems facing those faced with separation and those deceived by their loved ones . He said that during the course of life we are all affected by these problems . It was as if he was directly speaking to me.  I had finally found my guru .You may argue that in view of my recent mishap I was grabbing straws . I can conclusively say that this was not the case . Subsequent discourses only strengthened my convictions .I gave up all my worldly possessions and looked for salvation at my guru's feet .

Moksha

The dreams started again. Flashes of his old life came back to haunt him. Uneasy childhood with reluctant relations. Relations who tolerated his presence because the money that came along. His determination to serve the nation and his joining the commandos to eradicate the enemy to the nation , both within and without. Subsequent disillusionment with life in general and the his own existence in particular led him to seek spiritual solace. Added to this was the desire to help others in self -  actualisation. His preachings and spectacular success thereafter left Swami Jeetendra in a very satisfied frame of mind. He was finally satisfied with what life dealt him at this stage.

And it was this very satisfaction which started raising new doubts in his life. His past life started interfering with his sense of happiness. Was this all that he had wanted from life? Was it enough to be satisfied with oneself with so much pain and misery in the world? How much sadness and struggle in the world could he alleviate? Could he get rid of all the deviousness? And it was these thoughts which kept him awake and when he did manage to sleep gave him nightmares. In spite of all the good that he was doing his own demons were anything but vanquished. The desire when he saw an attractive disciple was still there. He had to bring all his training in yoga to fore to prevent his getting involved with the disciples who were more than willing to grant him any favour that he desired. The problem was that he was at cross roads . His training gave him that additional power . And power corrupts. The very power that gave him the capability to help people also ironically wanted him to ravish women like never before. He knew that the difference between an exalted personage and a wayward guru was in which direction he wanted to go.

Now was the time to work towards the higher things in life if he was to make something of his brief existence on this earth. It was with this goal in mind that he slowly started devolving the day to day running of the Ashram to his favourite disciple, Guruvananda. On many days he never even appeared at the congregations where people came from near and far alike just to get a glimpse of him. He felt bad about it . But he consoled himself by thinking – “the time will come when the only thought in his mind would be the betterment of humanity and the universe and his task would be to bring people closer to that superior power which was responsible for all those unexplainable miracles in this world. One man’s discomfiture – if it benefitted many – was worth it.

Towards this end his penances grew more and more severe. He spent most of his time in prayer. Food no longer was the main means of sustenance. His sustenance was derived from meditation and prayer. For days on end he did not eat at all . And if it was not for Guruvanada he would have not survived at all. Slowly the intervals between his fasting decreased. He felt empowered and closer to God, each day he passed without ingesting anything. He attributed this to his overcoming his desires and thinking for the larger good of the mankind.

The day started off like any other day. The sun was shining brightly and the entire ashram was awash with bright colours of the blossoms which had sprung up , after a long hard winter. The Baba felt the urgent need to meet his followers. The previous night he had had a vision where , he finally felt that he was in communion with a higher force. At first the swami was dumbstruck but like water pouring over a broken dam the questions started pouring out of his lips. His first question was “ How do I know that you are the supreme Being?” The reply he received was so satisfying that he did not feel the need to ask any more questions. The reply he got was “ I am not a being; I am amorphous and all seeing. It is you humans who have given a form to me and converted me into something tangible. You have made me in your own image and worshipped me as such. Dear Jeetendra break out of this mould.I am intangible and all seeing. Of late  people have been guilty of fighting over me as if I am a commodity. People have been committing sins against others in my name. I foresaw this . As I see it you want to attain great heights in spiritualism. I feel that it is selfish. How can you think of yourself with so much pain pervading all over the world. And so I decided that your lot lies with the people. You are hereby tasked to show humanity the right path. It is only by doing this that you will be of greater service to me. Go and serve the humanity. Set a personal example. Help people to distinguish between right and wrong. By doing this you will be a path breaker. People will remember Jeetendra for his goodness. And by doing this you will attain moksha. The room became dark again. Jeetendra saw where his duty lay.

Stairway To Heaven

Swamy Jeetendra looked around the huge gathering with a sense of pride and achievement. The place was colourful and a holiday atmosphere prevailed. His brow wrinkled as a young child who was confronted with this multitude for the first time in its life started crying. Gurvananda, his chief troubleshooter looked anxiously at his guru, noted the wrinkled brow and signalled the disciple monitoring the live feed to quickly identify the source of this irritating sound and take action. The disciple panned the camera and discovered the crying child. Suitable instructions were passed and the mother and child’s darshan of the Guru was expedited. The guruji gave his benedictions to the mother , chucked the child under the chin and dispatched the mother and child on their way. Guruvananda knew that the mother would be escorted out of the pandal all the way till she made herself scarce from the congregation.

Once again that look of serenity returned to the face of the Guruji. Swami jeetendra . He was lulled into a light doze by the respectful murmur that was going on in the Pandal.  That was the best part. No one could tell whether he was awake or asleep. He had learnt this art when he was under training in the National Defence Academy. The Drill instructors were always roaming the corridors and would penalise anyone who was sleeping and so it was a challenge to cheat- to sleep and not get caught. ‘Why did I join the Army?” he thought. Then his mind went further back in time when he was a boy in his teens. He had never liked things that were run of the mill. Moreover joining the army seemed to be a right idea at that time. That strong feeling of patriotism pervaded all his senses. Besides there was nothing to keep him at home. Did girls come into the equation? He honestly evaluated his feelings and came to the conclusion, “ Girls are always in the equation – whether you like it or not. Maybe as a growing boy his harmones screamed for some closeness from the opposite sex. But as he grew older he felt himself retreating into his shell. After his training he joined the elite commando regiment of the Indian army. It was always his contention that when one sets out to do anything in this world it is best done in the right and in a fashion which is different and “Hatke’”. And so his opting and subsequent absorption into the Commando Regiment.

Long absences , isolated vigils and devising methods to keep sane made him start liking his own company – in fact he preferred it. At that time his task was the ruthless killings of terrorists(They deserved it!). Normal run of the mill activities left him unhappy and dissatisfied.His mind started drifting into the metaphysical realm. His mind was full of questions - Why are we? What are we ? How are we? In fact he was so confused that he started searching for answers from the old scriptures and modern writers alike. In freewheeling discussions he questioned the very existence of man. Someone told him that helping others would show him the path to attainment of Moksha. But in his case nothing seemed to work. All he thought about having a guru also did not work..

Added to this was the restrictive work atmosphere. It was frustrating when the seniors refused - to distinguish between good and bad and right and wrong - the time had come to cut his own path through the morass of deception, wrong doings and sin. That is when he had an insight into what he must do. He tendered his resignation to the army. It was not accepted. Rather than take recourse to falsehoods to get out of the army - like many of his peers did, when they got a lucrative, well paying job - he decided to argue it out with the authorities by stating the obvious. His logic was that when he wanted to join the army they welcomed him with open  arms. Why did they not  show the same magnanimity when it came to letting him go. To his credit truth won out and he was free from the clutches of the army in a short time. The next two months were spent in introspection and examining various options available to him to attain his goals. A trip to an isolated place was the next logical step. The Ashram at Dehradun beckoned him. For the next two years he meditated in the lap of the Himalayas. His physical appearance also changed. Frequent fasts, self denial and eating frugal meals thinned down his already gaunt tall frame further. Added to this was the long hair on his head and his beard. The frequent prayers and penance gave his eyes that intense look which people find so intimidating and women find so attractive. Visitors to the Ashram started finding solace in his discourses. His following slowly grew . Ordinary people who wanted to find an easy solution to the problems came to him in large numbers.They christened him Aakash Baba. Aakash baba's fame spread across India and by word of mouth to people across the world. His following got an international flavour when a cricketer from the neighbouring country came to him to deliver him from the poor form that he was having at cricket. The reply that the baba gave to the cricketer is still quoted in the many books published to celebrate the life and times of Aakash Baba.

The Baba was made famous by the fact that unlike the others who use media to spread their message ,television was banned from his discourses. Also, unlike others he refused to attribute his new found wisdom to some sudden revealation. "I am not here to tell you to give up anything" he used to say. I have no interest in making you follow any particular regime. All I am asking you to do is introspect and work out for yourself as to what you are doing is right or wrong and by extension are the people around you also following the rule of existence on this earth?. And if they are not - then what is your duyt towards yourself and the world? How have you ensured that they behave as per the tenets of humanism? These simple but effective words won the hearts and minds of his followers.

The insistent chanting of baba,baba baba... and the discreet pressure on his shoulder by Guruvananda woke up the Babaji from his light doze. Once again he scanned the crowds with a feeling of satisfaction and pride. He had arrived on the spiritual scene and with his frugal and healthy habits he was going to be there for a long time. Finally he had made a difference to the lives of the people around him. But sometimes he had these urges which threatened to undo all the good work that he had done . It is another story...

A Sea Tale

29 Nov

Captain Ramakrishnan's (Merchant Navy) eyes clouded over . He had that far off look on his face. Earlier in the day I had invited him over for drinks at my place. Capt Ramakrishnan is my neighbour. We got acquainted over a period of time and after sometime we became friends. One day my wife was out of town and I decided that it was time to get to know him better. Initially the conversation was stilted - as happens when two people are meeting for the first time. Soon we got into that comfort zone where we started looking deeper into each others lives. Capt Ramakrishnan had been at sea for more than twenty five years and as is with the merchant navy , he had touched most of the international ports in the course of his duties. Being a hard working person he had got command of a merchant vessel earlier than most. Between us we had lot of memories . But for me the sea was an alien frontier , which required exploring . As a youngster I was always fascinated by the sea and had read all the books on sea tales. As the time passed I mentioned  this to him . Did he also have some enduring memories about the places that he went to and people he met?

That is when his eyes clouded over and he had that far off look - as if he was ready to recite a tale from his past. "Surprising that you should ask me about my experiences" he said. "Only today I was sorting out my stuff and came across a photo of Pedro and myself..." before I could intervene he went on " I did my training out of the country before I joined Merchant navy. The training was tough ". I raised my eyebrows. " Don't look so skeptical" he said. " We face a lot of challenging situations and have to be prepared for everything - physically and mentally. We are away from home for along time and on a ship we are more isolated than most of you landlubbers. For us as youngsters this was drilled into our heads repeatedly. The physical training left us tired and perpetually hungry. Pedro was a steward at the Training Academy . And for us he was a lifesaver. He always used to smuggle food for us from the galley and looked after our needs. Suffice it to say that he was a very resourceful person and a favourite among the cadets. Physically Pedro was nothing great to write home about. He was grossly overweight , unfit and suffered from chronic asthma. How he got through the medicals is a mystery. But whatever his shortcomings they were more than made up by   his cheerfulness hardwork and his never - say - die attitude. Whether it be tending to a sick sailor or producing a cup of hot coffee at high seas when the need was there , he was always present. He had this sunny disposition which immediately warmed all those around him.

Years passed. During the course of my duties I kept running into him on one ship or the other...I had now become the master of my own ship. Pedro was one of my first choices for the job of steward on my ship.Time had made no difference to him either physically or otherwise. With advancing age however he had become a bit slow and his asthamatic wheeze was more pronounced now. On this particular trip I was preparing to go ashore after a long seventeen gruelling months  on board. The unloading of the cargo though was taking longer than usual. This meant that the officers would have to wait longer than usual to get off the ship . It was finally decided that the officers would only be able to sign off the next day. However the crew would be allowed to go ashore the same day. One of the lucky ones to get off was Pedro. Needless to say Pedro was thrilled to be getting off the ship. All the signing off crew loaded all their shopping into the nets before disembarking. On the shore they would head off to their homes with their precious presents for their families. Pedro did not have much of luggage , preferring to save money for his family instead. Normally when the crew is transferred to the tugboat from the ship a gangway is fixed . In this case since the Chief Mate was busy with the cargo he felt that a rope Ladder would suffice to send the disembarking crew on their way.
Most of the cargo had been offloaded and the seas were choppy causing the ship to behave like a skittish horse just prior to the race. The younger and nimbler sailors threw caution to the winds and nimbly negotiated the rope ladder to the tug boat , fourteen meters below the ship. Soon it was the turn of Pedro to disembark. There was a look of unease on his face but it soon passed. As he passed me he gave a wan smile , shook hands and proceeded to get off the ship. No prolonged goodbyes - I was going to see him the next day when the officers would go ashore. Pedro hung on tightly to the rope ladder as it swung dangerously in the winds negotiating each rung carefully. Suddenly there was a commotion. Later someone said that Pedro stopped halfway. Everyone thought that he was taking a break. Suddenly his hands let go the ladder and he toppled from a height on to the steel deck of the tug boat - head first . The sickening crunch heard over the noisy winds left no one in doubt as to his having survived the fall from this height.

Pending inquiries for insurance and the fact that his family was too poor to transport the body home, the entire crew donated money for a family member to be transported from his home for the last rites. Thus ended the life of a man who, all his life was generous to the fault and spent most of his life looking after the needs of other people, much beyond the call of duty.

I will always remember him all my life. I will always be reminded of his selfless service. At times when I am faced with a difficult situation I always recollect how he used to handle it with aplomb and equanimity...

The Party

20 Nov

The aircraft speed is reduced. It drops to 1000 ft above ground level. The rear ramp slowly opens on its well oiled hinges and neatly slides beneath the aircraft , leaving a yawning opening to the blue skies beyond . The ground looks like a chequered handkerchief in many hues of green and brown. The Paratroopers rise from the uncomfortable seats on the sides bearing the heavy load of parachutes on their backs. The para jump instructors are screaming at the paratroopers to hook up . They move from one paratrooper to another systematically checking each paratrooper's equipment and the fact that they are actually hooked up to the aircraft cable. Speech is impossible and whatever corrections are to be done are being done through gestures and hand signals. As the dropping zone closes in, the navigator hoots the horn, at the same time visually warns the paratroopers by switching on the red signal light. This is an indication for the paratroopers of the impending drop. The paratroopers are all tensed up ready to jump. The amber light and then the green light go on in quick succession and then the dispatcher is screaming and pushing the paratroopers out of the aircraft. The last word that the paratrooper hears is go...go... go ... and then blessed peace as the parachute deploys with a jerk. As soon as the parachute is deployed the paratrooper looks up to see that his parachute is properly deployed and is not damaged in any way... Then he quickly looks around to take evasive action if he close to another paratrooper. Thereafter it is drifting down to the ground , tensing up and landing on the ground. The paratrooper executes a roll to minimise the shock of hitting the ground. In the last few feet the parachute does not support the fall and the paratrooper is left to his own devices to come unscathed from the drop.Another jump has been executed safely...

Health Conclave

Just like a good jump our course in business management came to a successful end...

Prasad Accepting His Certificate

Our last day at ASCI was a blur, The morning was devoted to a conclave on health.Luminaries of the medical fraternity were present in the conclave. The  deal was to educate the participants on various aspects of health and Public Private Partnership on various aspects of health care. As was the practice we left after lunch to prepare for the final class of the evening - presentation of certificates of completion of the course and feed back in general. Everyone, right from Perumal to Sandhya expressed their views on the course. General opinion was favourable. Filling up of feedback forms was done and then we headed out of the lecture hall to hang out on the lawns -  till it was time for us to make an appearance at the breakup party that was organised for us at the DG's Residence. General bonhomie pervaded in the atmosphere. Everyone was meeting everyone else. We missed most of the instructors who taught us so patiently and well. Laughter which was muted in the beginning slowly started getting more raucous. Snatches of conversation indicated that people were remembering the good moments of the course . Everyone in the staff was handing out good advice about how we should handle our life post retirement. The evening was pleasant and drinks flowed freely - not necessarily the alcoholic type ...

Jaggu At The Party

Mrs GJ Rao & Sandhya 

We missed Prof Mahadik as he was away on some urgent personal business. Slowly the conversation petered out and soon everyone was in a brown study. The evening was lightened by the presence of Mrs GJ Rao and Ms Usha. The mood again went upbeat with most of us offering suggestions as to how to improve the course content and the course as such... We thank Profs Shahaida, Nirmalya Dean Usha and Prof Harsh Sharma. A special word about Prof harsh Sharma. He has offered us confidence in doing well in the civil world and we thank him for this special endeavour. The DG , Mr Ravi Kant also gave us some advice as to how we should excel at Excel and Powerpoint . And how these will stand us in good stead. The meal was an outstanding success . This was topped by qubani Ka Meetha . I having tasted qubani ka meetha at various stages in life in Hyderabad can say for sure that the dessert at ASCI was an unqualified success. Preparation of the dish involves boiling apricots with syrup until they assume the consistency of a thick soup or compote. The dessert is topped with blanched almonds or apricot kernels, and is traditionally garnished with malai (extra thick cream, ideally from buffalo milk), but also with custard or ice cream. This brought about the end of proceedings. Memories of the pary were imprisoned in the photos taken after the meal . I leave you with some photos of this memorable occassion...

With People Who Fed us

Photos Of the Group

This particular proclamation occupied the Notice Board at the main entrance of the Administrative Staff college of India. Every day we used to look at the notice board to see who else would benefit from the immense store of knowledge in form of the excellent instructors at ASCI. Well it is sure that people who go to ASCI to do a course will not see this particular notice now. The Course has now concluded...

Nostalgia

When I wrote About Entrepreneurship

At BDL

At BDL

A Group Photo

Memento Time at Eli Global

Paying Attention to Job Prospects

Eli Global Office Tour

Waiting

 Ganesh Chathurthi

Lunch Time At ASCI

First Time Mrs Pushpa Rao  Visited 

At Work 

 Suicide Model Presented By Gp Capt GJ Rao To CM

 Guest Lecture - One of the Best

The Shop we Did Not Visit

At Westside

Sivaram Taking Stock of  Westside Parking

Surendra

Himanshu at Marathon Good Josh

Prof Swarnalata

Metro Briefing

Metro Class At an End

Metro Question Time

Yarlagadda & Jaggu

Cyber Models

Prof Shah Asking Questions

Tea With Another Course

Add caption

Metro Photos

A Friend AT Agra

Jaggu Bhai

Duke & Sandy

Surya Kiran

Independence Day

Mobile Mania

Feed Back Time

At CPC

When Holding Classes in Main Campus 
Was Not Feasible

Sivaram

House Warming Party

Demanding

At Bangladesh Border

Tank Bund Tafri

Prof Mahadik

Mulpur Time

Prof Vilas Shah

Fiji Interview

Jharoka

ASCI Lunch

Banjo Making A Point

Jaggu on Mobile

Yet Another Guest Lecture

Chairman Emeritus

The Day We Left ASCI At 1730

Anjali Manda

Himanshu Presentatiom

Lecture By Mr Narasimham

Free Time