Retirement Blues (A wife's Dilemma)

         
  His siesta was disturbed by the sound of voices in his living room. Ever since his retirement he had fallen into the habit of sleeping after lunch. Other than his wife's voice he could hear those of a few other ladies who had probably come to his place to exchange the local gossip. Normal courtesy demanded that he greet the ladies but the mention of "Retirement" and 'My Husband' made him pause. Like a true retired person he started eavesdropping. His wife was narrating something.....          

         "Normally I am a very patient woman" his wife said; "More so with my husband than with others. He sometimes behaves in the most obtuse manner". His interest was piqued and he continued listening." A disagreement would only be resolved when he was out of my area of influence - when he went for work"- his wife continued. "Of late one major thought has been the foremost in my mind. Should I murder him?" 

           Now he was really curious and this is what his wife had to say....

        "Since his retirement he has been a pain in all the imaginable and unimaginable places.I frequently fantasize about the various methods that I can employ to carry out this dastardly act. 'Crime Patrol Dastak' and all such gory shows are not helpful at all. The criminal always gets caught. So I had to look elsewhere for inspiration. I had to devise ways to 'Have my cake and eat it too' I had to have a moment of insight when I could kill and get away with it".

           "To say that I looked forward to his retirement so that we could be together would be stretching the reality a bit. In fact I dreaded his last day at work when he would bid goodbyes to his colleagues and stay home permanently. Many times I tried to broach the subject - both obliquely and asking pointed questions - after retirement what? He either ignored these questions, changed the subject or acted as if he did not hear me. On the retirement day he was deposited on my doorstep drunk by his erstwhile colleagues with a bedraggled boquet in his hand and a silly smile on his face. The presence of his colleagues prevented any mishap occurring that day. His friends put him to bed , dusted their hands and left." 

           " In repose, breathing stertorously, with his mouth open, he presented a very funny picture. The future looked bleak. A part of my mind rationalised that maybe things would be okay and all would be well. Another part of my mind - refused to accept the inevitable - and advised me to run. A night of troubled sleep and I came awake suddenly in panic. I had to prepare lunch and breakfast for my husband to go to the office. Then came the realisation that he had retired and we would be in each other's space till we were parted. I tentatively kicked my husband to wake him up. The first thing he said after waking up was "why did you not wake me up?" (The  blame game had already started) "Now I will be late for office..." probably the realisation that he retired also came to him alongwith the hangover and he groaned. He tried to grab me (I don't know what intentions he had but i avoided being puled into the bed again) and when that did not work he picked up the TV remote. Two hours after I left him watching the TV to do the household chores he was still in bed - watching the TV. He ignored all the calls on his mobile and when the calls went unanswered, the callers started calling me. In addition to doing the housework I had become a PA for my husband juggling between the kitchen and the bedroom to make him speak over the telephone. "

            " Finally in a fit of desperation when I screamed at him to get out of bed he did so. After getting ready and having his third cup of coffee, reading the newspaper and watching the TV (Such Multi-Tasking would have improved his promotion prospects at his workplace), the next step was to interfere in the housework. The maid was told to sweep properly - he followed her into each room (was he interested in her work or her curves?) to supervise her work. Luckily the maid was an even tempered person who sportingly took his suggestions and left without making a scene. Then started the whining. The bathroom was not clean - where are my books - why is my cupboard in such shambles - where should I put my documents - what is for lunch (This was just after breakfast) - etc. Not a single word about assisting me at work or even sharing the burden. He left a trail of glasses and cups throughout the house and expected me to clean up after him." 

            " Before I did anything drastic there was a need to lay down certain guidelines for our continued co-existence. This included distribution of housework, time to do other activity, distribution of TV time etc. We did not watch the same programs on TV, and - more importantly how to give each other space while spending days together in the same space. It also included the need for my husband not interfering with the maid or other household staff".

          " By lunch time I was in a daze. I felt like a trapped rat who had no route of escape.  Lunch was consumed with criticism of both the food and general standard of the household work. Of course an afternoon of repose gave me the much needed sucour to re-organise my thoughts and plan my further actions. The evening slowly slipped into the night. This part of the day was more familiar to both of us as  this ws the time my husband came back from work till yesterday. This paticular day was the beginning of a new era.Since my husband was home in the evenings I decided that I would go to the Gym and spend time there. The evening meal was consumed in silence and soon it was bed time. The rigors of the first day left me exhausted and I fell asleep as soon as I hit the pillow. And there was no further scheming that night."

            "But then there is always tomorrow......"

            His wife's thought process left him stunned. He longed for those days at the office when he felt that he was on the top of the world who had minions in the office and a wife at home. He felt cornered and unloved. He decided to turn over a new leaf and understand his wife's angst. Right now he needed a cup of tea and his wife was wasting time gossiping with her friends.....