Retirement Blues

     The weather did not permit any activity outside. Much as he would have liked to stretch out after days of inactivity,it was just not possible. And he feared inactivity. Not because it was unhealthy but also because it brought on strange thoughts which were scary. Of late he was sleeping very late in the night. This did not help at all.

     And on top of it he was retiring from service. Retirement three years back looked like it was thousands of years away. Now all of a sudden years of inactivity loomed over hin. No more whiling away time at this office. He would have to do it at home. One of the questions nagging him was how would his wife tolerate him? Not that his was an unhappy marriage. In fact his was a dream marriage. They had had the best of times. Of late however his wife was getting a bit bossy. For many days he had wondered at this change. A sweet fun loving lady had turned into a bossy woman. He agonized for months at this change in attitude. And inevitably he turned to the internet for his answers. 'Menopause' the search engine screamed. 4567825 in 0.01seconds it proudly proclaimed. He did not have to go beyond the first page to find out accurately about his wife's symptoms. It explained a lot. "Well" he thought philosophically "I will have to exchange one boss with another" 

     All those fun times at office when he used to come late just because he could and then since it was already tea time move to the tea room for tea and gossip. It invariably got stretched to an hour and then his conscience would feebly tug at him to do something at the office. His most productive hour was between tea-time in the morning and lunchtime. By the time he had finished a part of his task it was already time for lunch. The lunch usually ended in as animated discussion. A full stomach and the afternoon heat generally put him in a stupor. He used to go through his work like an automaton. The peon would thrust a tea cup in his face at the appointed hour. At this time he generally went to the boss to apprise him of  his progress during the day. This interaction had a twofold aim. One was of informing his boss about his presence in the office throughout the day - hard at  work - and the other was to ensure that the boss did not miss him when he left for home early.

     A smile came to his face when he thought about how he used to fool the bosses. But when he got promoted to a responsible position he realised that the boss always knew about his escapades- because now as the boss - he knew about his subordinates. Probably his bosses were either tolerant, indifferent or were with him for too short a period to make a major difference to his career. It was a worthwhile life. The tomfoolery the handling of emergency situations and finally the sadness that he felt when he would go home. This set off a new trend of thought... He was paying home loan . When  he was in service it did not pinch all that much. But with just the pension coming in he would be hard pressed to pay the monthly instalments. But he brightened up when he remembered that he would be getting a lump sum amount from his department. But should he clear the loan or not -was the question that was plaguing him. The internet did not offer any viable solution. Of  the few that he read -(3678534 results 0.10 secs) - they were all equally divided in their opinion. He decided to pose the question on his group in WhatsApp. The discussion was lively but yielded little result. While some were for clearing the loan the others told me to sell the house. "You are not going to take the house anywhere after death" they said. Better would be to sell the house and live off the proceedings. Or rather the interest on the proceedings. "What about the children"? He asked. Promptly came the reply "you have contributed to their birth education and even ensured that they got into higher studies. What more can you do?" He disagreed but could not find the courage to put it in the group. 

     Days passed he was closer to retirement. The need to safeguard the cash that he was getting as a lump sum took him back to the net and of course to his WhatsApp groups. Invest in ritual funds, start a systematic investment plan, put your money in fixed deposits, buy property,  buy stocks,set up a start up business- there was no lack of  advice - only his reluctance to step out of his comfort zone. He already was having sleepless nights about the money he had yet to receive and invest. Each day resulted in thinking up new actions that he had to take prior to retirement so as to ensure a trouble free after - retirement life. It was not fair life used to be so simple when he was a child his parents were responsible for everything and one only needed to bother about his next meal and the rest would  take care of itself. 

     Now in his adulthood goalposts shifted everyday. Whether it was clearing his senior secondary exam or getting a good rank in a competitive exam so that he could make it in a good college or work hard thereafter to get a good job or after he got a good job spend money and time to acquire a girl friend, convince her parents to get hitched to her ( A needless expense he now realized). Birth of the first child. Everything was good the child grew up happily. That was until the novelty of the first child waned. The grandparents wanted more. Their logic was irrefutable. A single child did not have much scope of growing with responsibility. A second child would teach the first to adjust to the society. Teach the first child to share. The pressure got to him. He got to work to produce the second child. Then started the whole cycle all over again. Admissions homework exams projects sicknesses rebellion competition etc. Class X Class XII admission to a professional course. The responsibilities never ended...

     Just when he was hoping to sit back and relax he suddenly came to the realisation that  all his life he had struggled and now was the time to sit back and enjoy the fruits of his long years of service- but would he be able to ....?