As Narrated By Tommy
My master was always a bit mad. But that morning he was behaving in a fashion in which even I - as a liberal - was wont to look at in askance. As was my custom I went up to my master to wake him up to take me out for my morning constitutional/ablutions. Normally a bit of whining in a pitiable manner used to wake him up and he would- after scratching himself at all the wrong places - grumpily wake up and go to the bathroom while farting on the way there. Today there was something different. When I went to his bedside he was already awake and bright eyed. His tongue was out of his mouth and he was whining - as if to tell me that we should go out. Of course he did fart - and not silently too. The ecstasy of letting out fetid gases from his bowels was writ large on his face. His tongue hung out of his mouth and he was breathing rapidly. We have this sixth sense - and mine was was screaming that something was wrong. But knowing my master I reserved my judgement. My worst fears were confirmed when I followed him into the toilet. He was sniffing the bowl before he relieved himself. As if that was not enough - when he came out of the washroom he licked the lady of the house wetly on her cheek. Under normal circumstances, both me and my master were scared of disturbing her sleep . But obviously these were not normal circumstances. The lady instead of ' bitching' about it, languorously stretched herself and licked him back. This behaviour - was - making me all woozy and light headed. I had seen them do many things in the bed room
My master was always a bit mad. But that morning he was behaving in a fashion in which even I - as a liberal - was wont to look at in askance. As was my custom I went up to my master to wake him up to take me out for my morning constitutional/ablutions. Normally a bit of whining in a pitiable manner used to wake him up and he would- after scratching himself at all the wrong places - grumpily wake up and go to the bathroom while farting on the way there. Today there was something different. When I went to his bedside he was already awake and bright eyed. His tongue was out of his mouth and he was whining - as if to tell me that we should go out. Of course he did fart - and not silently too. The ecstasy of letting out fetid gases from his bowels was writ large on his face. His tongue hung out of his mouth and he was breathing rapidly. We have this sixth sense - and mine was was screaming that something was wrong. But knowing my master I reserved my judgement. My worst fears were confirmed when I followed him into the toilet. He was sniffing the bowl before he relieved himself. As if that was not enough - when he came out of the washroom he licked the lady of the house wetly on her cheek. Under normal circumstances, both me and my master were scared of disturbing her sleep . But obviously these were not normal circumstances. The lady instead of ' bitching' about it, languorously stretched herself and licked him back. This behaviour - was - making me all woozy and light headed. I had seen them do many things in the bed room
- many unspeakable things - but that is not the moot point. What was of immediate concern was this crazy behaviour of my master and his spouse. If what they did in the bedroom earlier was crazy, this day their behaviour beat it all.If it continued, I would go mad. Maybe behave like a human or something...
Earlier in the Heavens
God had approved a makeover of the human being , giving his approval to the man who could take only a single bite from his apple before the presentation on the makeover of man began. The man was given a free run of heaven to pick and choose his team for the important makeover. The idea was to improve mankind to ensure that there was less strife on earth. and the makeover suggested was to include certain behavioural aspects of a dog , such as loyalty, friendliness and other important qualities. While all the Gods approved of this plan in front of the GOD , knives were already out to sabotage and scuttle the plan. Improvement of the human being was not in the interest of various religious heads and they were doing everything in their power to keep their followers together. Members selected were those who looked good on paper but who were ready to stab the others in the back. For once it was the common goal of all to ensure that the makeover was not a success. Soon the committee was set up and the work on the reconfiguration of man was in full swing. Of course the naysayers were plenty. The Oracle was also a part of the whole set up.
The deadline for carrying out the reconfiguration was fast approaching and there was still no consensus on what aspects of a dog were to be included in a man to ensure peace and stability on earth. The minions of the lesser Gods in heavens were doing their job perfectly and raising objections to all changes being proposed. An impasse was reached and the only one who could break the impasse was GOD himself. God was very short with the others. He had made up his mind and decided that the reconfiguration would go through irrespective of the objections raised. A bright spark suggested Beta testing. This was shot down immediately. The reason for this was that those who were being tested would be looked upon as crazy on the earth. After much discussion it was decided to include all the behavioural aspects of a dog in a man. It was also decided to do this for a limited period of a few months after which a review would be carried out. Based on the feedback further action would be worked out.
Bureaucracy had finally reached the heavens!
Tommy's Narrative
The madness did not stop that morning. Through the day my master and his spouse and his friends and the neighbours behaved in an odd fashion. their behaviour was taking a toll on me and my fellow dogs. Somewhere something was wrong. I could not put amy paw on it. My mistress - who - incidentally did not like dogs was even more offensive now. Every time I passed her she would bare her teeth and it was not beyond her to give me a well directed kick in the ribs when I passed close by. My master who loved throwing the ball for me would now reluctantly pull his arm back to throw the ball and then with a forward swing, halt in the mid stride put the ball in his own mouth and start chewing on it. All this was taking a heavy toll on my health. My blood pressure had shot up, making me feel lightheaded . I knew it would not be long before my master started eating from my bowl...
Tommy's Master
When I woke up in the morning , I was feeling more energetic than ever before. I - who abhorred getting up early - could not wait to get out of bed and get going. My dog Tommy looked at me strangely when I got out of bed before he could lick my face to wake me up for his morning constitutional. Bright eyed , I walked to the toilet. The rich smell of my middle of the night endeavour to aim at the bowl assailed me. I took in a deep breath. The smell was both invigorating and refreshing. What I could not understand was why I wanted to further investigate, when I found myself close to the bowl sniffing away furiously. To cut short a long story, all this sniffing stimulated my bladder and I urinated copiously. For once it did not make a difference that I did not lift the seat in spite of a part of my brain screaming warnings to me against the dire consequences I would face for this dire omission from my wife. The day of drudgery at the office no longer bothered me. In fact I felt friendly towards the whole world - including my wife who was snoring away with her mouth open and her tongue hanging out. In my enthusiasm I licked her cheek and she responded likewise. It felt good.I was even prepared to love my neighbour who played loud religious music early in the morning. Of course in my present state of mind I was not beyond biting him if I got the chance. The number of things that I could possibly do and wanted to do - in my present state of mind - made my mind boggle( with apologies to Wodehouse)...
Earlier in the Heavens
God had approved a makeover of the human being , giving his approval to the man who could take only a single bite from his apple before the presentation on the makeover of man began. The man was given a free run of heaven to pick and choose his team for the important makeover. The idea was to improve mankind to ensure that there was less strife on earth. and the makeover suggested was to include certain behavioural aspects of a dog , such as loyalty, friendliness and other important qualities. While all the Gods approved of this plan in front of the GOD , knives were already out to sabotage and scuttle the plan. Improvement of the human being was not in the interest of various religious heads and they were doing everything in their power to keep their followers together. Members selected were those who looked good on paper but who were ready to stab the others in the back. For once it was the common goal of all to ensure that the makeover was not a success. Soon the committee was set up and the work on the reconfiguration of man was in full swing. Of course the naysayers were plenty. The Oracle was also a part of the whole set up.
The deadline for carrying out the reconfiguration was fast approaching and there was still no consensus on what aspects of a dog were to be included in a man to ensure peace and stability on earth. The minions of the lesser Gods in heavens were doing their job perfectly and raising objections to all changes being proposed. An impasse was reached and the only one who could break the impasse was GOD himself. God was very short with the others. He had made up his mind and decided that the reconfiguration would go through irrespective of the objections raised. A bright spark suggested Beta testing. This was shot down immediately. The reason for this was that those who were being tested would be looked upon as crazy on the earth. After much discussion it was decided to include all the behavioural aspects of a dog in a man. It was also decided to do this for a limited period of a few months after which a review would be carried out. Based on the feedback further action would be worked out.
Bureaucracy had finally reached the heavens!
Tommy's Narrative
The madness did not stop that morning. Through the day my master and his spouse and his friends and the neighbours behaved in an odd fashion. their behaviour was taking a toll on me and my fellow dogs. Somewhere something was wrong. I could not put amy paw on it. My mistress - who - incidentally did not like dogs was even more offensive now. Every time I passed her she would bare her teeth and it was not beyond her to give me a well directed kick in the ribs when I passed close by. My master who loved throwing the ball for me would now reluctantly pull his arm back to throw the ball and then with a forward swing, halt in the mid stride put the ball in his own mouth and start chewing on it. All this was taking a heavy toll on my health. My blood pressure had shot up, making me feel lightheaded . I knew it would not be long before my master started eating from my bowl...
Tommy's Master
When I woke up in the morning , I was feeling more energetic than ever before. I - who abhorred getting up early - could not wait to get out of bed and get going. My dog Tommy looked at me strangely when I got out of bed before he could lick my face to wake me up for his morning constitutional. Bright eyed , I walked to the toilet. The rich smell of my middle of the night endeavour to aim at the bowl assailed me. I took in a deep breath. The smell was both invigorating and refreshing. What I could not understand was why I wanted to further investigate, when I found myself close to the bowl sniffing away furiously. To cut short a long story, all this sniffing stimulated my bladder and I urinated copiously. For once it did not make a difference that I did not lift the seat in spite of a part of my brain screaming warnings to me against the dire consequences I would face for this dire omission from my wife. The day of drudgery at the office no longer bothered me. In fact I felt friendly towards the whole world - including my wife who was snoring away with her mouth open and her tongue hanging out. In my enthusiasm I licked her cheek and she responded likewise. It felt good.I was even prepared to love my neighbour who played loud religious music early in the morning. Of course in my present state of mind I was not beyond biting him if I got the chance. The number of things that I could possibly do and wanted to do - in my present state of mind - made my mind boggle( with apologies to Wodehouse)...
Hahahaha....good weird one Ravindra.
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