Day 6 - Immersion
The religious
ceremonies were fast drawing to a close. The time to collect the ashes and
immerse them in the river had come. The entire family opted to go for this
religiously sanctioned outing. It gave everyone a reason to get out of the gloomy
atmosphere of the premises where they had been incarcerated for the past five
days. A trip to the nearest river took up the entire day. It also gave us all
an opportunity to finally bid farewell to the remains of the person in question. Of course
as at every other place, there were touts who were ever ready to fleece us in
this emotional state. The task at hand was completed. The feeling of relief was
palpable. It also gave us an excuse to consume palatable food at a roadside
Dhaba. We rationalized that Dhabas do not cater to our sentiments. The dishes quickly vanished from the table - It was a
revelation to see how much each of us could consume. It was as if we had been
starved for the past few days...Food does makea difference to the mood.We returned back to the house in an uplifted
frame of mind. The prospect of spending the remaining four days with the family
did not seem daunting at all.....
Day 7 - The 7 Minutes
The affairs at
home started limping back to normalcy. It is a recorded fact that the grief of passing
of a loved one lasted precisely for 7 Minutes. Thereafter, how sad you felt
depended on how miserable you wanted to be. I disagree with this cold
assessment. A lifelong association and the memories involved – and the fact
that these past moments never come back are enough to leave you grieving the
past. The time had come to take comfort in each other’s presence and also speculate
as to how the future would pan out with this life changing event ....The
tranquillity associated with knowing that the stressful moments of someone’s
passing were soon going to be a thing of the past also kept everyone in a equable
frame of mind.
Day 8 - Realization
Preparations
were under way for the tenth day. The house was abuzz with muted excitement.
Relatives and friends who were unable to attend the funeral now started coming
in droves. Many wanted to stay over to help in preparation for the final day.
Perhaps to assuage their guilt that they could not come for the funeral. There
were others who came out of sheer curiosity to see whether we siblings had murdered
each other over the past few days of forced incarceration. Then there were
those few who genuinely came to condole the death of a loved one. They were the
people whose life was affected in a positive manner by the deceased person. We
also learnt about these new facets of our parent . Some of the stories were
pretty moving and our hearts swelled with pride with the knowledge that our
parent would always find a place in the heart of many people across the
country. Religious ceremonies proceeded as per the norms....
Day 9 - Rationalisation
Perhaps there
was a reason for these long drawn rituals. One that I could discern immediately was,
that finally, after all these years, the frequent visits to the cemetery for the rituals inured
us to death. In an indirect fashion we stopped worrying about death. We learnt
to rationalise that death is indeed a part of life. At some point in time we
all have to ‘Kick the bucket’.
More important was the fact we learnt how to cope with each other. For a protracted period we had not spent time with each other – having been busy ‘settling down in life’. This enforced interaction since we were children helped us rediscover each other – again. Made us realise the importance of spending time together. See each other in a new light. All the bitterness and anger were a thing of the past. We learnt to appreciate each other. No more pointless ego hassles. Our ancestors when they devised these rituals had had this in mind. I was convinced of this now. In a way the rituals helped us cope with what we lost and learned how to move ahead in life. We were all co-operating to complete the rituals like a well oiled machine. The past was forgotten along with the associated bitterness.
More important was the fact we learnt how to cope with each other. For a protracted period we had not spent time with each other – having been busy ‘settling down in life’. This enforced interaction since we were children helped us rediscover each other – again. Made us realise the importance of spending time together. See each other in a new light. All the bitterness and anger were a thing of the past. We learnt to appreciate each other. No more pointless ego hassles. Our ancestors when they devised these rituals had had this in mind. I was convinced of this now. In a way the rituals helped us cope with what we lost and learned how to move ahead in life. We were all co-operating to complete the rituals like a well oiled machine. The past was forgotten along with the associated bitterness.
Costs were
high. When it came to financial aspects there was no sympathy on part of the
vendors. In fact the moment they knew that the ceremony pertained to the last
rituals the prices (I suspect) were hiked up. The vendors knew that since it
was an emotional matter we would pay without any haggling.
Day 10 - End Game
The day
started early. Shivering in the morning we had a cold water bath. The hypnotic
chanting of the Brahmins from the Vedas kept us awake – but in a somnolent
state. Sitting on the floor for a protracted time was a real test of one’s
inner strength. At some point of time we just gave in to the torture and
conducted the rituals in a mechanical manner. Even while the conduct of the
rituals was on, friends, well wishers and relatives started arriving. Out of
the corner of my eye I could see them talking to each other. I was surprised
that the talk was more about current day government, gossip about doings of the
people who were not present and about anything and everything except about the
person who had passed away. In fact I also heard someone criticising the
caterer saying that the caterer we had hired used too much oil and his food was
not all that tasty. As the day progressed the day’s proceedings slowly
meandered to a closure. There was restlessness among the guests . I suppose
that they were feeling the hunger pangs. “Good let them wait” I thought
maliciously. In more ways than one, this gathering – while not the happiest one
– was beneficial in that we picked up threads with people we had not met in a
long time. It was then that it struck me that it was a good way to reconnect
with others. The lunch was a solemn affair. Probably the impending eulogy of
the dead was weighing heavily on everyone’s mind. Not many of us were skilled
speakers and the need to dredge our memories to say good things about a person
who was no more.... All in all the eulogy went off well. We as the offspring
learnt a lot of things about the deceased parent. And it was all good.
My mind went
back in time. I reminisced about the good and the bad times. Memories of my parents and by association,my siblings, which had
faded with time - and been obliterated by the stresses of daily life and work - suddenly pushed
themselves to the fore. I realised that life had dealt a good hand to all of us. This
realisation made me feel closer to them now than ever before. I like to think
that this was the case with my brothers and sisters also.
The visitors
gradually dispersed, after a hearty meal. Some thanked us and thereafter left –
having nothing else to say – while others had some good things to say – still
some others left offering us advice as to how it would be advantageous to us to
stick together in these times of difficulty. This was irritating. But there was
little we could do other than nod our heads sagely. At the end of the day –
something we did not look forward to – we were drained of our energy.
Conclusion
The time to
get back to our day to day life was at hand. These past few days were a time
for rediscovering ourselves and our near and dear ones. We were finally secure
in the knowledge that we were not alone and there was always someone there
looking out for us and for each other. But then while time is a great healer it
also dims our memories.....
