Recovery

She hated the incarceration at the hospital. And she fought it every inch of the way. She gave a hard time to the nurses and at one point of time she remembered biting one of them. Not that they were very sympathetic towards her. It was like no other hospital she had been to before in her life. Through the nights , the attacks of terror continued. She felt sorry for herself and for her poor lonely children at home. This did not deter her from being a difficult patient. She only ate the hospital food when she felt weak from hunger. She craved for something sweet . She had a sweet tooth and her cravings became worse as the days passed. By the third day her non cooperation became a major irritant for the hospital staff.She was left alone. Not even her daughter was allowed to visit her .This solitude somehow gave her time to reflect on her actions in the past few months. finally she started coming to terms with the fact that something was seriously wrong with her. The sheer frustration of the solitude made her want to end it all. She was handicapped by the fact that she was under constant observation - and even if she wanted to do something drastic she did not find anything suitable to assist her in ending her life.

By the sixth day she realised that the only way she could get out of this hell hole was to submit to the treatment. She indicated as much to the nurse who came to check her vitals. But when they started treating her she rebelled. She could not help herself.

The doctors finally decided that the only way to treat her was to submit her to shock therapy. That morning Neeraja was treated extra nicely. The nurse led her to a room where she was suddenly immobilised and tied dowm . She felt something like headphones being placed over her head. Then she felt extreme pain and her body loosening up all over . The last thing she remembered was the horrible smell of burning flesh - and then she lost consciousness. When she came to the nurse shoved some pills in her mouth - and held her nose closed until she gagged and swallowed the pills.
She came to dread the shock treatment. Her whole time was spent dreading the next shock therapy.
As the time passed - rather than suffer further  shock treatment she started cooperating with the hospital staff and submitted to the oral treatment. Slowly but surely she was put on the path to recovery. Now her daughter came to visit her regularly and brought her home cooked food. In spite of all these happenings her brothers never came to visit her. She  accepted the fact that they were a thing of past. But what did hurt her was that her father never came to visit her. When she was a growing girl, Neeraja was her father's favourite .Now in spite of suffering her father maintained a continued silence.

The treatment had eased off and all that it now contained of was a few pills in the morning and night and group therapy to condition her to ease into normal day to day routine , once she got out of the hospital. She looked forward to getting out. She had spent about 45 days in the hospital. And the atmosphere at the hospital was starting to pall on her. Her release came sooner rather than later. That day her daughter came to the hospital looking rather grim and puffy eyed. Neeraja did not dare to ask her daughter what was wrong. But she felt it intuitively. She felt terrible and all sort of thoughts were running in her mind - the foremost being something was wrong with her son.

She berated herself silently for not cooperating with the doctors earlier. She would then have been home much earlier. Now because of her stupidity her release was inordinately delayed. While she was letting her imagination run wild her daughter came to inform her that she was going home. The time had come for Neeraja to take that final step to recovery - re integrate into the day to day humdrum of daily life.

It was when she was with her daughter in the cab that her daughter started crying. Neeraj's relief at being released was short lived. She wanted to reach out to her daughter to comfort her . But her memories of hospitalisation and the daughter's behavior prior to hospitalisation came in the way . Finally her daughter said " It is grand father - he passed away this morning...