Return Of The Swamiji II

My sister is based in London. She has been there for many years. Her children were born and brought up in London. And time passed ... Now my niece has grown up. She is getting married – to a Belgian boy – based in London – whose parents are in Paris. If that is not internationalism then what else can it be? To cut a long story short, me and my sister (not the one in London) were sponsored by my sister (the one in London) to attend the marriage. Preparations , Visa and other formalities consumed all my time. The trip was eventful and refreshing. Soon it was time to return to India. On my return to India and to my job (mundane) a missive was waiting for me from my dad to pick him up  from Haridwar. As I drove down to Haridwar my mind went back to that eventful night of my course get together in Shimla. I fondly remembered meeting all my course mates.

The pleasant weather of Shimla at that time of the year set the tone for a memorable   get together . It was – as happens when a large gathering of like minded people meet – very noisy. Someone was commenting on the changed physiological appearance of someone else. Others were discussing the achievements of their children very proudly. Those whose children did not do well were listening quietly with a hangdog expression on their faces. Those among us who were posted in good places were dropping names of senior officers and how well they knew them ( Oh Gen So and So does not like to use the toilet if there are lizards in it - He eats only oats for dinner - he is very pliable  and so on). And how they were instrumental in bringing monumental changes in the services. Once in a while there was a loud cheer with the arrival of the late comers. Time had not dimmed the memories of the travails of the past. Shrill grating laughter interspersed this pandemonium as some lady or the other remembered some rib tickling incident of the past involving the course mates. Yet others were proudly discussing their diabetes, Apnoea and other acquired diseases. As the course mates remembered those who passed away, people put on solemn faces and then broke out of it by having another drink.I also joined the conversations wholeheartedly. But my mind was elsewhere. Today was going to be a defining moment in my life.

One of our course mates had pursued an entirely different line after leaving the army. He had become a Swamiji. I was looking for answers and I was sure I would get them from him. Since sometime he was unavailable . The press had unfairly labelled him  a womaniser . After clearing his name he was perturbed with the allegations and had left for the Himalayas to pray. Though there was no announcement about his impending return I was sure that he would come for the reunion. As the reunion started winding down – when people had nothing more to talk about – and it seemed that my sixth sense had let me down,as if by common assent , there was a hush in the hall. It was as if something momentous was about to happen. The Swamiji had arrived. There was no fanfare and neither was any announcement made. But suddenly he was there as if he had manifested himself out of thin air. His long sojourn in the Himalayas had made him lean and thin – and it suited his tal frame. Whereas most of us had greyed over the last thirty two years with no hope of redemption, he still had a full head of black hair. All of us graduated towards him as if being pulled on a string. The awkwardness hung over all of us. What had been a lively party fizzled out with a whimper. Though he was our course mate, what do we speak in front of a man of God?

Anyhow we need not have feared. As soon as the Swamiji saw us his face broke out in a smile. As was customary among course mates we all hugged. Naturally he preferred water to anything else. The ice was broken and the pace of conversation picked up again. But now most of the conversation was directed against the Swamiji. “What made you renounce the world?” why did you leave such a lucrative career in the army?” Do you not miss the camaraderie in the army?”

And as happens inevitably in such a gathering, the talk turned towards the alleged intransigencies the Swamiji committed towards a female disciple... I held my breath and expected the Swamiji to curse us all to suffer the ignominies of this world and the next. In spite of such pointed questions the Swamiji was very serene and replied to all the questions with equanimity. As the night advanced people started leaving in ones and twos. Finally my time with the Swamiji was at hand. He knew. I could see that he knew the troubled state of my mind. Without a preamble he came to the point. “ I know that you have been troubled”,he said; “Into everyone’s life some rain must fall. But whatever troubles you have, are perceived . I know” he said lifting up his hand as I started protesting his belittling my problems, “ that you are having apprehensions about assimilating what I am saying – but do you remember how when we were in the academy and use to curse the instructors when they used to give us punishment – and we were denied the pleasure of watching a movie? – at that time nothing else could be more worse in life than this denial of small pleasures in life. Now we laugh about it and in fact it helps us relieve the tedium of an otherwise mundane life. At different times in our life the parameters of our troubles keep changing. It is in these trying times that we have to maintain our equanimity and and ride out the rough times”. What he said a lot of sense to me.   

That night quite a few of us stayed with the Swamiji to listen to his mellifluous and soothing voice. We asked questions and he answered. Whether it be about an offspring a wife or a daughter he tried to assuage the fears of each one of us. We talked for a long time and did  not realise the advanced hour till the Swamiji told me that it was time for him to prepare for his morning prayers.

What with the excitement of having met my course mates after a long time and spending the rest of the time speaking with the Swamiji I woke up late the next day. The memories of the previous night came flooding back. First the meeting with the course mates and then the interaction with the Swamiji. All that he told me made more sense during the daylight. But many more questions were still unanswered. How should I now go about with my life now was one of the questions plaguing my mind. How do I tackle the tensions and problems that life would throw at me? These thoughts mobilised me into action. I required answers and the only one who could help me out was around somewhere. I went through my morning ablutions in a hurry and went looking for the Swamiji. But no one knew where he was and how he could be found. The last sighting was in the night. The Swamiji had left. Just as he had come in unannounced, he had also left without any announcement. I was left feeling unfulfilled. At the same time I was better prepared to handle the challenges . I was also determined to meet the Swamiji . Again.

Now as I was heading to Haridwar  to pick up my dad I hoped that I would have time to seek out the Swamiji...... I heard he was back at his Ashram in Dehradun.....