Flashback II

Oct 08

My mother always used to say - " Someone should write a book about my life's experiences". She was also fond of relating my birthday. "It was the republic day. in the evening just when the lights went on across the country you announced your arrival into this world." I do not remember much about my childhood or the earlier years. But what I do remember was that in good times and bad my mother was always there for me. Between dividing her time among my other siblings and me , she favored me more than the others. So much so that in spite of being a good deal younger than my brothers and sisters , they were still envious of the attention my mother bestowed upon me.Life was good even in adversity - for my mother was ever present. The thing about her was that she was involved with everyone - whether it be the tamillian Mrs Sivan who used to get thrashed by her drunken husband once in a while or chandrika who was bitten by a dog or the malyali couple who had problems with their child. She offered solutions in the language they spoke and quite fluently at that. She used to chide Mr Sivan the morning after and he used have this hangdog expression on his face when she used to harangue him in chaste tamil interlaced with curse words.
The young uneducated girl who came from a remote village had come into her own.

In preparation for his retirement my father got himself posted to Hyderabad. For reasons beyond my comprehension I still remember the date we moved - 17 Sep 1969.  With only three of us in school at that time her job as far as the home front was concerned was quite simple.She now turned  to help relations , friends, servants and once in a while she would net a complete stranger. Even during this time we had someone or the other hanging out with us - till the time they set up their own home or left Hyderabad. People never forgot her kindnesses. The years went by and soon it was time for my father to leave government service. Brilliant man that he was he got offered professorships in the USA and other foreign countries. But he was not inclined to take up any of these jobs and spent most of his time at home. By now there was a clear divide (of age ) between my brothers and me . To escape them I had to rely heavily rely on my mother to keep me out of trouble.

The thing about her was she dared to do things which others would hesitate to do. I remember a cousin of mine who had fallen in love with a boy. For the 70s that was a pretty big thing. In fact even the girl's mother ( my father's sister) washed her hands off the affair. It was my mother , in the face of heavy opposition who ensured that the girl got married to the person of her choice. She involved all her friends in the project to make it a grand success. At another time she acted as a mediator between two relations who were hell bent on ruining each other's lives. She could really talk sense into people when she so desired. It was a side which was not known to me earlier. The times best spent with her during my childhood were the days of festivals especially Ugadi, Ganesh Chathurthi and Deepavali. When she used to elaborately set up her kitchen and cook some of the best dishes that I had ever eaten in my life. It was this part of growing up that I remember with most fondness when I think Of my mother. There is this thing about mothers - they never really ask for anything from their offspring in spite of giving so much to them throughout their life. This was the case with my mother also. It was always for the family and nothing else. Even when my brother got married and wanted to set up his own establishment , she opposed it tooth and nail. She was in favour of a joint family. Perhaps the fact that she was the only child in her family and had grown up alone had something to do with it. It took  time the healer to work his magic on her for her to come to terms with the fragmentation of the family. Time passed and I had left home at 17 to study elsewhere. The younger lot of nephews and nieces fortunately kept her busy in her later life. But soon time came for them to get out of the protective envelope provided by her for them .

But when it was festival time the house rang with the noise of all of us gathered at one place and it was evident that these were the times when she was the happiest. Even at that advanced age she refused to take help of anyone and single handedly cooked for all of us . She had already suffered two heart attacks and was a diabetic. However it took a lot to slow down this lady. In 2002 when she was crossing the road at the busy area of begumpet a speeding vehicle hit her and took off. She suffered a broken hip and a mangled arm and a broken collar bone. It was the only time that I ever saw her helpless on the bed and it was not a pleasant sight,

The End

After the passing of my father it was never the same for her. She still did all her chores by herself but that vital something was missing. She went about her jobs very mechanically . Having been married for more than 70 years it was obvious that she missed my father . Added to the diseases, old age finally caught up with her.. Her mind started wandering and it was a job keeping her in the confines of the house. Always an independent spirit she chaffed at the restrictions and finally took to immobility. It was as if her spirit was crushed.

On that fateful day she had her meals and peacefully left for her Heavenly Abode.. We keep giving lip service to the saying "Make a difference to yourself and to the others;" I think she did it in the truest sense. May she rest in peace.