How I met your Mother

           

             On a very pleasant evening, when I was young, I found myself on a beach. I was at an impressionable age and my harmones were raging. It was probably the age when I fell in love with every girl that I saw. And having gone to the beach where the sound of the waves and the constant winds had a lulling effect on me - maybe I was feeling romantic. Or  - since I was alone - I might have been craving for companionship. I missed my friends  The stage was set for my first attempt at befriending someone from the opposite sex. There was this nice looking girl who had come for a walk along with her friend. She was cute. At least as per my perception. When our paths crossed, my reverie was broken and impulsively I turned around to follow them.

             It was dusk and the girls , probably misreading my intent started walking faster. While the sensible part of my brain advised me to stop further investment on this project, my harmones and inbuilt impulses literally forced me to quicken my step. For better or for worse this need to know the conclusion of this story guided all my future actions. Having reached them, I opened with " Hi. I am ------." The girls looked at me as if I had comitted some impropriety. For sometime  the winds and the sea quitened down. Then one of the girls said " My mother told me not to speak to strangers". and with that the girls started walking away at a quick clip from our meeting place. I quietly applauded the instructions of the cautious mother to her child - and at the same time cursed her for being instumental in ruining what I thought would be a perfectly good evening.

             This incident scarred me for life. The mother factor always governed my furture interactions with the fairer sex. At the back of my mind I was worried that all girls' mothers would pass such outlandish instructions to their daughters and that at each time I tried  to befriend some girl this advise would nip my attempt at any relationship in the bud. For a long time I was wary of trying to befriend anyone. Was it my introversion or was I scared at being rejected outright? And then the same mothers would encourage their daughters to converse with some poor soul who was brought forcefully by their family for ' seeing the bride' for an arranged marriage. That fateful evening on the beach had altered my life in a manner which I had never visualised.

            In an attempt at not being a stranger, I decided to approach this problem of befriending girls in a different fashion. During my graduation, the families of many of my fellow students had also come to the graduation party. One of my fellow classmates sister was a stunner. Confident that I had spent three years with my friend and that I was no longer a 'stranger' I approached my friend's sister with all the swagger that a youngster could muster with an intention of establishing a - as I visualised it - a longlasting friendship with this wonderful girl.  She was pleasant to speak to and seemed to be a nice person . Just as I was silently congratulating myself at having established a contact with the other kind, her brother approached her purposefully and said "Don't talk to ----- ; He is a dangerous chap."
Sisters being sisters, the girl conveyed her thanks to her brother and walked away from our interrupted conversation. Of course, while the sister avoideed me because I was 'dangerous' the brother also ensured that he did not cross my path. The aura of 'danger' around me probably intensified when the brother was within my visual distance and he did a great job at avoiding me through the graduation ceremony.

            Over the next few years  my ability to discern between a nice looking girl, good girl, friendly girl, hostile girl etc improved. What did not improve was my capability to establish a meaningful relationship with the fairer sex . The words - from all those years back - still rankled.
           
Who is a stranger? How do you classsify one? Does one know all his/her friends from the previous life? All these questions went through my mind over and over again - all because some mother told her child not to speak to a stranger.  Life throws up many problems at you . Some you solve by yourself, some you solve with the help of friends, some you resolve through learning from other people and those which you cannot solve you sweep them under the carpet .


This was an unsolvable problem which I could not ignore. I am quite adept at forgetting things which irritate me but the fact that a girl did not find me interesting , gnawed at my vitals, kept me awake in the nights and generally started affecting my well being and my work.  I was turning into a shadow of my former self. Stubborn weight which I could never lose by exercising now started melting over my bones. The chubbiness which made me look like a lout was slowly going away - giving me an improved appearance.

People did not know of my internal turmoil. In fact they congratulated me on my good looks. The only person who expressed concern was my mother (She never discouraged me from speaking to strangers) . In her own way she silently kept feeding me. And when I did not put on weight she gave me castor oil to supposedly get rid of the worms in my stomach.

All seemed lost  until I overcame  my inhibitions to  say hello to your mother and she responded.... 

La Bouche II

My new blog has been a long time in coming. For the sake of continuity I am adding the link to the previous blog . It would be a pleasure if you read it and comment....

https://bellavistans.blogspot.com/2019/01/i-am-mouth.html

now continuing the saga of the mouth

            As sage Vyasa I recited the whole Mahabharata and Lord Ganesha recorded it for posterity. Even with my ability to converse continuously I had to put in some difficult verses for Ganesha to stop writing and seek the meaning of these verse. When Lord Ganesha agreed to pen down the Mahabharata his only condition was that I should not pause - and that if I did then he would quit writing - and hence the difficult verses. As Shakuni I set out to achieve what he wanted to do - destroy the Kuru clan. The web of deceit that I wove around the Kuru Vansh with truths, half truths and lies nearly destroyed it. As Draupadi I cried out against the injustices meted out to a woman and succeeded in destroying the Kauravas. I also gained the distinction (Long live Woman Power) of being the first to object against the skewed scale of justice against women.My ability to influence the world's future past and present was phenomenal.

            Posterity will record the fact that those who put their heads down and went with the flow did not ever do anything famous. I expressed Ideas and influenced human kind. I stated facts and put away wrongdoers. I explained things and convinced people that the sun revolves round the earth(initially) and then re-convinced them that the earth revolves round the sun. Some good quotes which I made,  as different people got recorded for the generations down the line, for them to hear and implement. I can safely say that most of the famous people down  the ages are  because of me.

            Not that all I said was gospel. Many wars were fought due to my careless utterances. In fact what I said shaped the life of many people not to mention their character. It would be remiss of me to not mention the the brain, which played a huge part in my ability to articulate. I would also be found wanting if I did not mention my team mates - the tongue the lips and the teeth. Because of them I was articulate clearly.

            With time came clarity and with clarity came revolutionary ideas and with revolutionary ideas came the change in life style of the populace. Those were he heady days . When I was the supreme among the organs. I could ingest anything and force the stomach to accept the ground contents to process as food. Indian, french, Italian, English etc - all foods were tasted and digested. Sugar was never a problem and the so called sweet tooth was satiated to the maximum.

            Those were the days! When we were young. My team and I. We could eat anything, drink anything and chew the hardest of material with no ill effects. I remember when I used the teeth to open a beer bottle. With the help of the tongue and the lips I articulated my dreams, spoke truths , lied to gain benefits, seduced women for slaking my lust, made friends with benefits and sang off - tune at karaoke parties.At the same time I dwelt  on my ambitions and gave them shape. Some of my articulations were never fulfilled but then that is life.

            As a girl/woman I was more circumspect with the opposite sex. I never let my desires and dreams to be publicised . I was wary of the male species and this reticence of mine lent an aura of mysticism to my persona. Many a man spent his lifetime trying to decode me. A pout of my lips could be in anger or it could be an inviting gesture, broadcasting my desire. The tongue played an important part as well. At a very early age I learnt that men were pliable. As a child I had my dad twisted round my little finger. As a teenager I used my tongue to trash my competitors and tell my suitor the things that he wanted to hear. As a young woman I kept my counsel to myself - until the time I found my life partner - that is...

            Once that happened and I was settled for life, I found a change in myself. Now I could nag, scold, tell lies, and do the most important thing that I always wanted to do- gossip. Gossip was the fuel that helped keep things interesting in my life. It was such a thrill to gossip with like minded people that it gave me a high that is indescribable. The ability to change someone's life without even having met them gave me a feeling of power.

            There is a general feeling amongst the people that men were more of doers than talkers. This was mostly true about the men who are married. As a man, after my marriage I found a change coming in my utterances. This was probably due to the fact that I was crushed with responsibilities and the fact that in every married man there comes in a period of self doubt which crushes his soul. And since he is a man he is unable to express himself. As a result the tongue and other parts of me were rarely used. The most used tool were the lips which ensured that no syllable escaped me without purpose.

            With age comes maturity. And this  reflected in my sayings. Also there are other associated problems which afflicted my team of lips teeth and tongue. The tongue could no longer be trusted to reflect the accurate taste of food stuff. The teeth started rotting.  As my body advanced in age the food that I ate was dictated not by the taste but by the requirements. My utterances were governed by my age. I could no longer make irreverent statements and expect others to applaud my stupidity.
With years of abuse the teeth that once were pearly white were now yellowed and decaying. I was afflicted with bad breath which others found offensive - no amount of costly oral hygiene could repair this. With time comes the end of all good things. It happened in my case also. My teeth fell out . The lips were devoid of any colour. The tongue could no longer utter anything. All my thoughts were articulated through grunts and other sounds. My team mates have gone and I am as when I was a child - without the ability to express myself...

La Bouche

I am mouth. They say children are given life through the umbilical cord. But once a child is born I am the means of livelihood of the child . My origin is in the fourth week of an embryo. The anus is of course formed in the eighth week. This goes to prove that whatever muck has been created by me has to be expelled by the anus. Of course due to my volubility and impulsiveness some of the problems which I create can never be easily eradicated by the simple process of defecation  By the time a child is born I am already there for it to help the child development. One of my first tasks - now that the umbilical support has been withdrawn is to search for a nipple to draw sustenance from...

And when that sustenance is not forthcoming then create such a ruckus that people start taking notice of the child. That is my first attempt to communicate. Later in Life I would be responsible for so many things among so many people that I have lost count of the good bad and the ugly things that I have done.

            Like I always say let us start at the beginning shall we? When God created earth and then created Man and Woman, it was through me that the woman persuaded the man to eat the forbidden fruit (ever since then man has always been subservient to women). Many may say that the forbidden fruit was an apple. I beg to differ. Was the word fruit used to describe something forbidden? Work it out for yourself. When Adam actually 'ate' that fruit , the  problems started in this world. It would be safe to say that God created Man and Woman as playthings for himself in a huge toyhouse called the earth where he would interact with them when the things in the Heaven became too mundane. By eating the forbidden fruit (through my insistence ) the man and woman laid down the pathway to many a problem that the earth faces today. We can now safely assume that the forbidden fruit was the first interaction between Man and a woman. Maybe God thought that he would be in control of earth and its population by systematically introducing man and woman to procreation. But that was not to be , and god gave up on earth...

            Getting back to the child in search of sustenance - it has also now been proven that on a woman I am more potent than a man. Growing up was fun. My first companion - the tongue - started learning new sounds and along the way new tastes. We were doing fine-tongue and I - when some sort of hard growth in me started coming up. Both painful and tasting horrible. In an attempt to get rid of it I induced many an expulsion - including all the tasty things that I could get to taste at that age. But this hard thing not only refused to go but started increasing in number. When it did not work out , in an attempt to get these disgusting outgrowths out I started using them to clamp down on people's fingers or whatever else was shoved into my me- in the hope that these adults would help me get rid of these things.In the next few months there was no other alternative but to sign a truce with the white outgrowths. The partnership - I was thrilled to discover was very fruitful. Another fortunate thing was that these outgrowths were in a limited number and the best thing was that the things that I hitherto fore not tasted were now available to me.

            Development of the tongue was not far behind. Over a period of time the tongue reveled in the vast number of tastes thrown at it.Some good some not so good and some horrible. Along the way a misconception developed that a tongue has areas of taste.This has been disproved later.  The tongue was also my main means of communication. New words were learnt and used appropriately as we progressed in life. Clever use of words , construction of sentences and use of swear words at the right time would stand me in good stead over time. Sometimes a wrong usage would either get laughed at or suitably punished. The tongue being a muscular organ would be -as I learnt in later life-put to different uses . But more of that later...

          As the child grew up , so did my vocabulary. On a well behaved child I was nice to listen to. On a ill behaved child , it was humourous to an extent and later became a cause for irritation to others. My ability to convince others (through the gift of gab) as to my intentions was phenomenal . During this process of growth I learnt good things and bad. And was the CEO for the brain. All the brains' intentions were communicated through me. During adolescence, when the body's hormones started going wild my priorities also started changing. The body started noticing the opposite sex and the intention to develop friendship was expressed through me. While I am the first to confess that the overall attraction had something to do with bodily chemistry I helped push the case along with my unique ability to persuade someone as to the acceptability. In this phase , on a girl I really did not have much to do. But I was a boy's best bet in projecting his saleability.

         I learnt numerous ways to manipulate other human beings. Even animals.The funny sounds I made while calling a dog or a cat or a horse seemed to impress them. I am the basis of many an enduring friendships between man and animal and that is what mattered. Early in my life I learnt that manipulation was the key to my healthy survival. One of my main tools was to lie. I used this to good effect for a boy who just smoked his dad's cigarette or a girl who had her first  secret tryst with her boyfriend and was convincing enough to her parents that she was at her friend's place for studies.In a manner of speaking I was indispensable to all my creatures.

            Everyday was a new day to learn and to teach and to manipulate to cheat and to love to hate to make war and to broker peace. For me the process was exhilarating .Tasting of different cuisines also helped satiating my palate(while at the same time not being so good for the stomach) While these are my main functions I also learnt other arts where the female of the species pleases her man through me as does a man a woman. There is so much to say. And I will do it . Don't push it.....